Love Remains
by NCISlover2
Summary: Amanda and Olivia: two very different women but with a bond that is unbroken. Will they be able to make it through? AU First ever Fanfiction. Not Slash!
1. Chapter 1

Amanda had been moved from home to home when she was a child and finally made her way to Atlanta and was adopted at age 10. She thought it was going to be a good situation but it turned out to be a nightmare. It started when her 'dad' had an affair with a woman and left the family for her. Amanda thought everything would be okay but her 'mom' started drinking and sunk into a depression. Her 'sister' Kim was only 5 when this was happening so Amanda became her caregiver. She also felt inclined to protect her 'mom' and Kim from the crappy guys her 'mom' kept bringing home. They would abuse Amanda and her 'mom' in so many ways. Amanda was always the protector, she even ran a guy out of the house when she was 12 after he tried to hurt Kim. This way of life continued for Amanda until she turned 17 and decided she wanted to be a cop. Thankfully, Amanda's way of life did not effect her grades and she got into college on a full ride scholarship. She started as a beat cop in Atlanta PD, and gradually earned her masters in criminal psychology and forensic science. She worked her way up to to a dectective with the Special Victims Unit of Atlanta. Amanda felt she could relate to the victims because of her childhood. She never imagined she would be one of _those_ victims.

** SVU **

Sixteen year old Olivia Benson never imagined she would be a mother, let alone an unwed teen mother. She was the product of rape. Her mom had told her that during one of her drunken stupors. Her mom also told her she ruined her life by being born. Olivia was currently sitting in a hospital bed. There were no ballons, no cute outfits, and no father to enjoy this moment. Even her own mother refused to come; had said it was her own fault for getting pregnant. A nurse had asked her if she wanted to hold her baby. She had already decided she didn't wanted to keep the baby and told herself she didn't want to look at it. But after hearing the small cries and the doctor say it was a girl she desperatly wanted to hold her. She told the nurse, just for a minute. Olivia took the small bundle in her arms. She smiled down at the blonde haired, blue eyed baby and knew this would be the hardest decision she would ever make.


	2. Chapter 2

Set during season 13. I don't own SVU and am just borrowing the characters for a while.

Olivia had just had a crap day that she thought would never end. The case ended well enough but her beloved partner Elliot Stabler was gone. She understood how he was feeling after the whole ordeal with Jenna and her mother's case. What she didn't understand though was how he could just leave without saying so much as a goodbye. After she talked with Cragen and found out the news she had a mini breakdown and then got herself together and went out to take a statement with the new detective that the captain had brought in. She seemed nice enough but Olivia was so wrapped up in her own grief that she barely acknowledged the woman during the case. She gave her a slight pat on the back when she made a break in the case but that was about all the social interaction that they had. Now she was currently riding with Amanda Rollins in the squad car on the way to Queens. The new detective had obviously just moved here from what Olivia could tell because she was looking out the window like a fangirl.

"I haven't seen this part of town since I was a little girl. I can't believe I still remember what it looks like but I do."

"I thought you said you were from Atlanta?"

"Well, I grew up here in New York in foster care until I was about 9 and then got placed in this program that brought me down to Atlanta and I was adopted."

"Oh, how old were you when you were adopted?"

"I was 10. What about you? Have you always lived in New York?"

"Yep, born and raised, hey I think that is our victim's apartment complex. Let's go get the statement then maybe we could have dinner after?"

"That would be great! I wonder if this old pizza place is still here. I think it was called Mama's Pizza Palace."

"Yeah, I know that place. We'll get this statement and then go eat; I'll call Cap and let him know what we are doing."

"That sounds great! Thanks!"

** SVU **

Over the next couple weeks the squad got another detective named Nick Amaro and were starting to gel and work well together. Olivia still longed for her partner Elliot and wished he would come back but she was slowly accepting the fact that that was not going to happen.

Amanda had begun to adjust to life in New York, but her gambling had started getting out of hand. She was also worried that someone was going to find out about the _real_ reason she had left Atlanta. Olivia was already suspicious when she let it slip that something had happened on the job. She could have kicked herself and was thankful she shut it down as soon as it started. She was actually surprised that she hadn't dug into it any deeper but little did Amanda know Olivia had done some research and not just on what the situation but also something that could rip apart her and Olivia's life forever.

** Author's Note**

**Please read and review. The story will start to move quicker as it goes along.**


	3. Chapter 3

Thank you for your reviews! As usual SVU characters are not mine. I'm just borrowing for a while.

Chapter 2

Olivia didn't really think much about it when Amanda had first told her she was born in New York but the more the blonde detective told her about herself, the more she questioned the situation. She first looked into the woman's past by doing a simple Google search.

_Young Detective Makes Arrest Then Sleeps with the Boss!_

_Atlanta SVU: Detective Rollins Hooks Up _

The list went on and on and Olivia cringed with each word she read. All of the dates were from about 9 months ago. No wonder the poor girl wanted to get out. From the way it looked she was the talk of the town but not for the right reasons. Amanda had said something happened on the job. Could this be that something? Olivia was determined not to make any assumptions until she had the full story. She remembered when Amanda told her, Olivia could see the fear there but hadn't pushed it. Now she was beginning to wonder. Olivia was also putting together a timeline of the blonde. She didn't really know why she was so interested but something intrigued her and she felt some kind of connection. She couldn't really explain it. She got out of Amanda that her birthday was April 30, 1980. She also mentioned on the way to a crime scene involving kids that she was put up for adoption right after her birth, saying something like her mom wasn't even legal herself and just dumped her. This tore through Olivia's heart because that was exactly what she had done to her baby. The big piece to the puzzle was the birthday and the age difference between the two women, which was 16 years. Olivia didn't usually believe in coincidence, but this was one hell of one. Olivia wanted to be absolutely sure of this before she even thought of telling Amanda, but deep in her heart she knew this was her baby. She decided to do a DNA test, labeling the material confidential. Olivia knew the results of this test would change both their lives, forever.

**SVU**

Amanda had told herself that New York would be her fresh start and a place to get herself back together. She told herself that if she just pretended everything was okay soon it would be true. Boy was she wrong! Nightmares would keep her up and her gambling was getting out of hand. Her one constant was her job. The past few weeks she had noticed Olivia paying much more attention to her and also noticed the brown haired detective preoccupied and distracted. Amanda threw it off to her missing and thinking about her old partner. Man that must have been hard to go through having someone just walk out of your life like that. She could totally relate to that feeling. It had happened more times than she would like to admit. She blamed her birth mom, whoever the heck that was, for the beginning of her abandonment and trust issues. She often wondered what her life would be like if she would have grown up in a "normal" home life. She would never forgive her birth mom for the life she was given.


	4. Chapter 4

**Thanks for your favorites and follows! I hope you like this chapter. Once again just borrowing the SVU characters.**

Chapter 3

Olivia Benson held in her hands the results of the DNA test. Melinda had questioned her when asked about it and Olivia told her it was for a friend trying to find the father of her baby and was scared to go to the hospital. Even as Olivia told her this she herself didn't believe it. The look Melinda gave her said she wasn't buying it either, but took it nonetheless. Now, Olivia was currently sitting in her apartment trying to decide if she wanted to go through with this. This would change her life and Amanda's forever. Would Amanda even want anything to do with her? She did abandon the blonde as soon as she was born. Olivia grabbed an old photo of a brown haired girl holding a little pink bundle and knew she had to know. She carefully undid the envelope and pulled out the paper. She took a deep breath and looked at the results. There it was written right in front of her, Amanda Rollins was her daughter. Olivia began to cry; her little girl had been right in front of her the last few weeks. She was strong, beautiful, and smart. She couldn't believe she was going to get a second chance with her daughter. The next step would be to tell Amanda, and she had no idea how that would go. Would Amanda be able to forgive her?

**SVU**

"Hit me." "Hit me." "Hit me."

Amanda Rollins knew she needed to quit before this got out of hand, but she just couldn't step away from the table. She couldn't explain it, she just needed this. It was like everything else went away that was destroying her and she was just in the moment. She knew she was in trouble but she honestly didn't have anyone to turn to. Amanda didn't know how she would tell anyone, even if she did have someone. It wasn't like she could just walk into the squad she just started working with and announce that she was a gambling addict. That would go over real well. She was already down 50K. Thankfully, she had just won a big gamble and was able to pay off some of it. She wasn't sure what she was going to do about the rest of the money, but she knew couldn't stop. Amanda was in over her head. She didn't think life could get any suckier than this.

**SVU**

Olivia had decided to have Amanda over to her apartment to tell her the news. She had no idea how Amanda would was going to take the news. She had been thinking about all the pros and cons of telling her and what the ramifications would be on both of them. Olivia knew she had to do it though or she would always wonder whether or not a mother-daughter relationship could have been formed. It was also better coming from Olivia than Amanda finding out some other way. It had taken some persuasion on Olivia's part to get Amanda to come over and when Olivia asked Amanda had looked at her like she had three heads. Olivia told her she just wanted to get to know her more outside of work. They could have some dinner and wine. Amanda had agreed but still looked uncertain. Olivia was now hesitant to tell her but knew she had to. She was drawn from her thoughts by the sound of the doorbell. This was it, the moment that would change everything.

**Thanks for reading! More to come soon! :)**


	5. Chapter 5

Thanks for the favs, follows, and reviews! I am really enjoying writing this story!

Chapter 4

"Hey, Amanda! Come on in!" Olivia greeted warmly.

"Hey, Olivia. Thanks for having me" Amanda responded quietly. She was still freaked out at the fact that Olivia had asked her over for dinner at her apartment.

"I hope you like pasta and bread. It's about all I know how to cook."

"That sounds really good, thanks" Amanda looked down feeling very uncomfortable. What was she doing here?

During the meal Olivia and Amanda made small talk, mainly talking about work things. Amanda told Liv a little more about her life in Georgia, saying it was not the best experience. Olivia's heart broke hearing some of the things the young detective went through. She knew the information she was about to share would be very difficult for the blonde and it was going to take a long time for Amanda to forgive her.

"Amanda, you are probably wondering why I asked you over to my apartment" Olivia began slowly. "I know we didn't get started off on exactly the best foot and I wasn't that warm with my greetings."

"It's ok Olivia. I know you had a lot going on with your partner leaving and everything. I would have probably been even more reluctant to get to know a new person in the squad. It's really no big deal" Amanda replied quietly.

"Still, I just want to apologize for that" Olivia stated simply.

"It's okay, really" Amanda said with a small smile.

"Anyway, I wanted you over to my apartment to share something with you that I recently found out." Olivia started. "It's something that I think you should know about, although I was very apprehensive about whether or not to but you have the right to know" she rambled.

Amanda started to think of everything Olivia could possibly want to share with her. Did she know about her gambling, was that what she wanted to talk about? Or did she manage to find out about that other secret? Amanda's heart was beating rapidly in her chest.

"Amanda, you ok?" Olivia pulled the blonde from her thoughts.

"Yea, sorry just thinking, what do you need to tell me? Please just say it" she said quickly.

"Ok, but please let me explain everything before you react. It's something that is going to have a big impact on both your life and mine" Olivia said in a gentle tone.

"Ok." Amanda was very confused now, how could her gambling or the thing that happened back in Atlanta have anything to do with Olivia?

"Amanda, I found out something the other day that confirmed what I have been thinking for a couple weeks now. Amanda, you know how you were put up for adoption when you were born, and that you said you were born in New York."

"Yea, Olivia what are you saying?"

"What I am trying to say is that you are my daughter."

To Be Continued . . .

Please read and review!


	6. Chapter 6

Thanks for the reviews! I am hoping that my timeline is going to work out with one on the show, but if it doesn't I'm sorry.

Chapter 5

"What I am trying to say is that you are my daughter."

"W wh what? What, how is that possible? I can't be your daughter you're not old enough. No this is a mistake!" Amanda replied angrily.

"No, it is not a mistake, and yes I am old enough to have had a child your age. I know this is a lot to take in. Please sit down and I'll show you the test I had done to prove you are my daughter." Olivia replied quickly.

"I don't care about the tests! My mom was a whore who dropped me as soon as I came out of her. I grew up in hell because of her, and I'm still going through things because of her. I can't deal with this right now. I've got to go." Amanda grabbed her jacket and walked quickly to the door.

Olivia winced at the harsh tone and words that came out of Amanda. "Amanda, wait please, I just want to talk this over with you." Olivia reached for the blonde but she pulled away.

"Just leave me the hell alone!" and with that the young detective left the apartment with a slam of the door.

Olivia felt tears starting down her cheeks. This went a lot worse than she even imagined.

**SVU**

Amanda's head was so scattered. She couldn't believe what had just transpired with Olivia. The detective she had been working with for the past few weeks was her mother? She just couldn't wrap her head around it. Her mom was supposed to be a whore loser who was a drug addict or something, not a woman who was a detective. Amanda drove to her usual casino where the only thing she wanted to do was gamble the night away and maybe get hammered and forget everything that she had just been told.

"Hit me." "Hit me." "Hit me."

"You sure you want to do that little lady?"

"Yes, and get me a drink of something hard while you're at it!"

**SVU**

"Benson," Olivia said sleepily into her phone.

"Yes, I'll be right there. Please don't let her leave."

To Be Continued . . .


	7. Chapter 7

Hope you enjoy! More to come soon! :)

Chapter 6

Olivia was currently driving to a casino that she had never heard of on her way to get her daughter. Man that sounded so weird. She hoped Amanda hadn't done anything to stupid but under the circumstances she really couldn't blame the young blonde. Olivia knew that Amanda was going to take the news hard but she had no idea it would go this bad. She kept replaying the words Amanda had said to her about her mom being a whore who put her through hell by giving her up. She couldn't believe what her little girl had to go through and that was just what Olivia knew, she couldn't imagine what else the blonde went through. Olivia pulled up to the casino bar and took a breath before going in.

Amanda sat drunkenly at the bar with a cigarette in her hand. She was talking to a guy beside her.

"So, it turns out the detective that I have admired for so many years is actually my mother. The one who gave me up when I was barely out of her vagina and didn't even look for me." Amanda told the guy next to her as Olivia came up behind her.

"Oh, look it's my slut mom right now. Hey "mother" you actually came to find me? That's a first!"

"Amanda, let's get you home. Come on you need to get out of here."

"So now you care about me? Well I'm only coming with you because Shawn here won't take me home."

Olivia helped lift Amanda from the barstool and guided her towards the door and to the car.

Amanda fell asleep on the way back to Olivia's apartment. Olivia woke her up and tried to help her into the apartment, which was hard because the blonde detective fought her the entire way.

"Let's get you some water and some Advil. I have a feeling you are going to need it. Then we'll get you into the bed." Olivia said gently, not sure how the blonde would react.

"Whatever, I don't really care," Amanda said venomously. The blonde took the pills and water regardless though, not really feeling like arguing and wanting to just sleep.

Olivia quickly got sheets on the guest bed and turned it down. Amanda came into the room and quickly flopped onto the bed and was asleep within a few minutes. Olivia carefully covered up the younger woman and smoothed her hair. She sat and watched her breath for a couple minutes before turning out the light and going to bed herself. Although sleep was far from the brunettes mind. What was going to happen when Amanda woke up?

**SVU**

Agony, pure agony. That is what Amanda woke up to. She could barely lift her head off the pillow and it felt like someone was using a jackhammer in her head. Her throat was dry and she felt like she might puke at any moment. Bits and pieces of the night was starting to come back to her and she groaned. She was hoping that everything was just a horrible nightmare. Amanda opened her eyes remembered Liv picking her up from the casino. Oh great, Rollins, you've really done it this time she said to herself. Amanda gave herself a shake to clear some of the fuzz and then she remembered Olivia telling her that she was her mom. Why couldn't this just be some weird nightmare? She slowly managed to sit up but the pounding in her head was making it very difficult. She decided she needed to get out of here before Olivia woke up and wanted to talk. That was the last thing Amanda wanted to do. She just wanted to forget everything.

**SVU**

Olivia woke with a start, the previous night's events replaying in her head. She quickly got out of bed and headed for the extra bedroom. She found Amanda sitting up in the bed rubbing her head and looking like she had a major headache. Olivia gradually made her way to the bed, careful not to alarm the blonde.

"Hey Amanda, how are you feeling?" Olivia quietly asked not wanting to startle the younger woman.

"Well, I feel like someone is playing the drums inside my head. But what do you really care. You've never cared before why should you start now?" Amanda quickly replied.

"I do care about you, regardless of what information we just found out. I don't want to cause you any pain, but I thought you had the right to know" she said gently.

"Why would you even bring this up? Why couldn't you just leave it alone?" Amanda's color drained from her face. "Oh gosh, I think I'm going to be sick" she quickly ran to the bathroom and emptied the contents of her stomach. Olivia held her hair and rubbed soothing circles on her back until she felt the blonde pull away. "Please, Amanda can we just talk? I don't expect you to forgive me, heck, I'm never going to be able to forgive me, but let me explain. Please," Olivia practically begged.

Amanda was sure it was the hangover talking but she nodded in agreement and got off the bathroom floor.

To Be Continued . . .

Please read and review!


	8. Chapter 8

Thanks for your reviews! This may stray further from the timeline of the show depending on where I want to go with the story. As usual I don't own SVU characters, just borrowing them.

Chapter 7

"Here, why don't you take some more Advil and drink some water before we start talking. It looks like you could use it" Olivia said gently.

"Yea, thanks," Amanda said quietly.

"We can talk on the couch if you are feeling up to it. Or we can sit on the bed."

"The couch is fine."

The two detectives went to the couch and sat down, Amanda more slowly due to the hangover she was currently sporting. Olivia had no idea where she should even begin, so she decided the beginning was the best place. The blonde was looking down and rubbing her head.

"We can do this when you are feeling better if you want."

"No, I just want to get it over with" she said "so I can just forget about it," Amanda added more quietly.

The brown haired detective realized that Amanda was going to have a much harder time with this than she ever thought she would.

"Okay, I'm just going to start from the beginning. If you have any questions please ask. I want you to know what happened and all the details. You have the right to know," Olivia stated quickly.

"Ok"

"I want to tell you about my life so you can understand where I come from. I was the product of a rape," she started slowly.

"Wait, y .. you, you were the product of a rape? I'm so sorry," Amanda looked down at her hands which were trembling. Olivia gently took one of her hands, apprehensive of how the blonde would react. Surprisingly, Amanda gripped her hand and Olivia felt like maybe with this simple gesture things may turn out ok. But as soon as the hand was there it was gone again. The brown haired detective continued.

"Yes, my mom had me when she was 19 after a guy raped her at a college party. This completely broke her and soon after I was born she started to drink. I honestly don't remember my mom being sober. She seemed to always be drunk when I was growing up. She died when I was about 20 from an alcoholic overdose. I guess her body finally had enough," Olivia's eyes were watering while she was talking. The only people who really knew about this was Elliot and her captain.

"I'm sorry, Olivia, I had no idea," Amanda stated quietly. She looked like she was going to cry. She was trying her best to stay mad at the brunette detective but what Olivia was telling her was making it hard. It sounded like she had just as crappy of a childhood as the blonde.

"Here's where you start to come in," she smiled slightly. "I was 13 when I met Jake. who I would have described as my best friend for a couple years. He was shorter than me but he was so cute. We started out as just friends but it slowly became more. He had blonde hair and the brightest blue eyes. Just like you." Olivia smiled as Amanda blushed slightly and looked down.

"We started seeing each other more and more as girlfriend and boyfriend and we thought we were mature enough to try sex. And as I'm sure you know it only takes one time to make things happen." Olivia said softly. "I became pregnant when I was fifteen. And nine months later on April 30 I had a beautiful baby girl, you" Olivia stated with a smile.

Amanda listened intently to the older woman and knew she had to ask the question that had rattled in her brain ever since she was a little girl.

"W .. Wh … Why didn't you want me?" Amanda stated, trying to hold in her tears.

TBC …

Please read and review.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanks for reading! Snow Day = Two Chapters in One Day! :)

Chapter 8

"W .. Wh … Why didn't you want me?" Amanda stated, trying to hold in her tears.

Olivia's heart broke at the young blonde's question. She could tell Amanda was close to tears and it wouldn't take anything for her to start crying. Olivia knew she needed to choose her words carefully.

"Oh honey, you have no idea how hard it was for me to give you up. Your dad left me as soon as he found out I was pregnant, claiming he wasn't ready to be a dad. I was so scared to bring you into my life because it was so disastrous. My mom blamed me for getting pregnant and refused to have anything to do with me if I kept you. I didn't want you to have to grow up like that. I thought it was best for you if I gave you up. They told me you would be adopted really quickly. I had no idea that you were never adopted." Olivia let out a breath and wiped at the tears that were falling down her face. "You were so perfect when I held you for the first time. I never knew I could love someone as much as I loved you when I held you for those few minutes before I gave you up. It was the hardest decision I had to and will ever make in my lifetime. I thought that by giving you up you would have the chance of having a good life with two parents and stability." Olivia said quietly wiping the tears that continued to fall.

"B .. But why didn't you ever look for me?" Amanda said as she angrily swiped at the tears that were now falling down her face. "You could have looked for me when I turned eighteen. Or searched for me when you became a cop," Amanda stated in a rushed tone. "Why, why didn't you even try?" Amanda was now yelling at the older woman. All the color was now drained from her face. "I'm going to be sick again." Amanda said and quickly ran to the bathroom to throw up. Olivia followed her and held her hair back again as the younger woman dry heaved into the toilet. "Shhh, you're okay. I'm so sorry Amanda. You have no idea how truly sorry I am that I gave you up." Olivia said soothingly as she rubbed circles on the blonde's back. Amanda slowly scooted back from the toilet and buried her face in her hands and started crying. She blamed her crying on the hangover, or maybe she was just releasing all the emotions she had kept bottled up for years on end. Olivia quietly scooted up beside her and gradually put her hand on the blonde. She expected Amanda to tense up and scoot away, but the younger woman grabbed her hand. Olivia took this as a sign to comfort her, so she gradually wrapped an arm around her. She was surprised when her baby turned into her embrace and clung to her. She was completely taken aback but nonetheless wrapped both arms around the broken woman and gently rocked them back and forth while whispering that everything was going to be ok.

TBC . . .

Please review. Hope you are still enjoying as much as I am!


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 9

Olivia wasn't sure how long she held Amanda whispering words of comfort to the younger woman as they sat on the bathroom floor. If this was helping her baby at all she would stay there forever. Amanda started to get herself back under control and pulled away from the brunette.

"Oh my gosh, I'm so sorry," she sniffled, cheeks red with embarrassment.

"It's okay, sweetie. This was a lot to take in, it's alright," Olivia soothed.

"Why can't I just be mad at you? You left me, why can't I just forget?" Amanda whispered

"Honey, you can be mad at me as long as you want to, I deserve it. I will never forgive myself for making you feel pain because of my mistakes, she said softly. "You are in control in this situation. We'll move at your pace." Olivia continued. She noticed Amanda was rubbing her head again. "Why don't you lie down and sleep for a little bit, it looks like your head is still hurting," she offered carefully.

"Yea, I guess it is still hurting a little bit. Co .. could . could I have some water? My throat is kinda dry," Amanda asked softly looking down.

"Of course sweetie. Do you want to hop in the bed and I'll bring it to you?"

Amanda got up and went to the bed and sat down on the edge. She was so confused. Part of her wanted to just forgive Olivia right now but the other part was still so mad about everything the older woman had put her through. She needed time to think and she also wanted to let Olivia know everything that she had to go through because of her decision. How was this going to affect her job? Was she going to have to transfer again? She was just starting to get settled. Amanda was interrupted from her thoughts with Olivia putting a hand on her shoulder and handing her a glass of water.

"Here ya go sweetie. I think you are also safe to take another Advil if you want," Olivia said gently.

"Thanks. I think I will, this is the worst hangover I've had," the blonde whispered. She knew she also needed to say something to the older woman. "I'm sorry for the things I said last night," she whispered so quietly Olivia almost didn't hear her.

"It's okay. You had every right to be upset," the brunette replied quickly. She noticed the blonde's eyes were a little droopy. "Why don't you lay down and shut your eyes. We can talk more when you wake up," she said quietly.

"Ok." Amanda got under the covers and was asleep within just a few minutes. Olivia looked at her with a love she hadn't felt since she held the blonde in her arms in the hospital bed all those years before. She gently ran her hand through blonde hair and whispered, "I'll never leave you again. I promise."

TBC . . .


	11. Chapter 11

I don't know about you guys but I'm still recovering from last night's episode. It was so amazing! Loved the two surprises! Ok, maybe not the one at the very end. ;) Thanks for the reviews! Keep them coming!

Chapter 10

While Amanda slept, Olivia thought about how to address the blonde's childhood. She wanted desperately to know about her daughter's life and everything she had been through. She was also concerned about the place where she had picked up the younger detective the previous night. And there was still the whole thing that happened down in Atlanta. Olivia knew that it wasn't the right time to talk about the two latter subjects yet, but she would keep them in the front of her mind as something to bring up when their relationship was more developed. She was also trying to decide how they were going to address their relationship with the squad. Olivia had already decided that if it was going to be an issue that they work together, she was going to ask to transfer. But that was a discussion for another day.

Olivia was pulled from her thoughts by the sound of someone in the bathroom. She heard the toilet flush and the water turn on. A couple minutes later, Amanda appeared in the living room looking around apprehensively and nervously fiddling with the sleeve of her shirt. Olivia smiled at her.

"Would you like something to eat? I was going to order some Chinese food."

"I'd kinda like to just go home if that's okay. I need some time to think," Amanda replied, not looking at the older woman.

"Of course, I'll drive you to your apartment."

"I'd rather just get a cab, I need time to think," she replied quickly.

Olivia nodded her head even though that was not how she planned for the afternoon to go. She knew though that if she pushed Amanda it wouldn't help the situation. The blonde needed to be the one in control. Amanda started talking pulling Olivia from her thoughts.

"I want to tell you about my life, but I need time to process everything," the younger woman said quickly.

"I totally understand, when you're ready we can talk more. Remember, you are in control," Olivia said with a smile.

Amanda went into the guest room and gathered her things. She gave a small goodbye and walked out the door.

**SVU**

Amanda knew she should probably just head home, but she just couldn't handle being alone right now. She needed some action and the card table was calling her name. She hailed a cab.

"Yea, I need to go to Little Hell's Casino, please," Amanda told the cabby.

The only thing the blonde could think was I can escape for a few more hours.

TBC . . .


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 11

The next few weeks Amanda avoided Olivia had all costs. She knew she couldn't avoid the older woman forever, but she just needed more time to get all her thoughts together. She was thankful that Olivia seemed to understand this and was giving her space, keeping it professional in the office and not texting her. Amanda decided that maybe the holiday season would be a good time to talk more to brunette. She thought that since they were off during Thanksgiving it would be as good as time as any to talk to Olivia. She just had to decide how she would bring it up. Thankfully, Olivia had been thinking the same thing and was the first to bring it up.

"Hey Amanda, look I know I'm probably not the first person you would like to hang out with right now and I want to respect your space but I was wondering if you wanted to have Thanksgiving together?" Olivia said hesitantly. She wasn't really sure how the blonde was going to react. To her surprise Amanda smiled.

"I would like that. I'm sorry I've been avoiding you the last couple weeks. I just really needed time to think about everything." Amanda said quietly.

"It's okay, really. I understand, and remember you are in control. We can take this as slow as you need to," Olivia said with a smile. The younger woman was gradually coming around and Olivia couldn't be happier.

"I'm ready to tell you about some of my childhood. It's um . . it's not really that cheerful I don't want to ruin the holiday season," the blonde said quietly looking down. She was already nervous and she hadn't even started sharing anything yet.

"I want to hear about it and I want to spend a holiday with you, really I'm glad you're ready to share some things with me," Olivia said in a reassuring tone. "How about you come over to mine and stay over on Thanksgiving night. I haven't had Thanksgiving with family since my mom was alive," Olivia said with a sad smile.

"I'm sorry; it's actually been a while since I've had Thanksgiving with my family too. We stopped getting together after my dad ran away with another woman," Amanda said carefully. "It would be nice to spend it with family once again," she continued in a whisper. This comment made Olivia smile big. Was Amanda starting to see her as family? Maybe this relationship was going to work out after all.

"So I'll see you tomorrow at my place. Go ahead and come early and we can cook together. I have a feeling I'm going to need your help, considering I have no idea what I am doing," Olivia said with a laugh.

"Should I be worried? Maybe we should go out to eat," Amanda said, returning the laugh.

"Oh, hush you. It's going to be fine," Olivia said really starting to laugh.

TBC . . .

Thought I would have a light chapter before I get into some darker things. Hope you liked it. More to come soon! :)


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 12

The next morning Olivia was getting out all the ingredients she had gotten at the store the previous day. She had found a site online that had classic Thanksgiving recipes. She wanted to make sure that this meal was going to be great for her daughter. The brunette wasn't sure what all the blonde was going to tell her about her childhood but she was so thankful that Amanda was starting to open up to her. Olivia was brought out of her thoughts by the sound of the doorbell ringing. She looked through the peephole and saw Amanda standing there with a couple grocery bags.

"Hey Amanda! Come on in. Here let me take those bags," Olivia said reaching for the bags.

"Hey Olivia, thanks again for having me. I hope it's okay that I brought wine. I thought I may need it after .. well you know . um talking about stuff," Amanda replied quickly.

"You should know I love wine. What else do you have here? Oh, looks like two frozen turkey dinner entrees," Olivia said with a big laugh.

"I thought better safe than sorry, you know just in case the other food doesn't turn out so well." Amanda replied trying to hide her grin.

"When did you get to be so funny? I'll have you know I have looked up recipes and am confident that with your help it will turn out to be somewhat edible," Olivia said with a big grin. "Be honest how much do you know about cooking?" she continued.

"Well, I actually used to cook for my sister Kim and me down in Georgia, when I was old enough. I felt like I should be the one to give her some sense of normal once my dad left and my mom well .. my mom, I mean she didn't really cook after that," Amanda fumbled as she tried to explain. Bringing up her "mom" reminded her that she wasn't really her mom and that the woman she was having Thanksgiving dinner with today is actually her mom. "Sorry, I'm probably not making much sense," Amanda said looking down not really sure how to continue.

"It's okay sweetie, just the fact that you are willing to even talk to me at all, I'm so thankful. Why don't we start cooking? You can show me what to do. Then we can start on that wine," Olivia replied with a small smile. She had a feeling that it was going to take a little bit of wine for the younger woman to really open up to her.

**SVU**

The meal actually turned out to be one of the best Olivia had ever eaten. Amanda was a really good cook. They were currently sitting on the couch drinking another glass of wine. Olivia could tell that Amanda was hesitant to start talking so she decided to share the one photo that she had of herself and the blonde; the one that a nurse had been sweet enough to capture of a sixteen year old mother and her new blonde bundle.

"Hey, I have something to show you," Olivia reached into the drawer of the end table and pulled out the photo. "This was taken just a few minutes after you were born. I want you to have it," Olivia said carefully, not really sure how Amanda was going to react. To her surprise Amanda started crying.

"I um I d .. don't have any pictures of me when I was really small. The earliest one was taken by a foster mom when I was like 3," Amanda whispered. "C ca can I really have this? Sorry, I don't know why I'm so emotional about a picture," she continued wiping the tears from her face.

"Oh honey, of course you can have it. You don't need to apologize for being emotional. I'm sure this brought up a lot of not so great memories," the brunette said softly.

"Liv, I think I'm ready to tell you about my childhood," Amanda said quietly.

TBC . . .


	14. Chapter 14

Thanks for all the reviews! Keep them coming. I'm so glad you guys are enjoying!

Chapter 13

"Liv, I think I'm ready to tell you about my childhood," Amanda said quietly.

"Ok honey; just remember you are in control. If you want to stop we stop. And don't feel like you have to do this for me. I don't want to pressure you into telling me anything you are not comfortable with," Olivia reassured her gently.

"I .. I need you to know what I went through because of .. because of giving me . u up. I grew up in hell, and I've blamed my birth mom .. um you for my entire life," Amanda said with a shaky voice. She honestly didn't want to hurt Olivia, but she needed the older woman to know just how much her life had been affected by the decision to give her up. Olivia noticed the blonde's hand was already starting to shake so she took a chance and grabbed it. Amanda looked up briefly and graciously grasped on to the offered hand. Even though she was still angry at the older woman a big part of her was thankful that she now had her in her life. She took a deep breath and started at the beginning.

"The earliest memory I have of being at a foster home is was when I was still in New York. I think I was like 5 or 6. I remember the couple who brought me in were looking to adopt since they couldn't have any kids of their own. I remember they brought me a bunch of really nice things and I thought I was finally going to have a real mommy and daddy," Amanda stated in a rush. She was trying hard not to cry. She wasn't even to anything that bad yet and she was already so emotional. She wasn't sure she would be able to even get through everything she really wanted to. She nervously glanced at Olivia who gave her hand a small squeeze and an encouraging nod to keep going.

"I think that was the first time I really remember being happy. I remember the mom would read me stories and the dad would sneak me ice cream. They told me they were going to be my forever family. And I was naive enough to believe them. But I guess any girl at that age would have believed it," Amanda said in a ramble. "They found out a couple months into the adoption process that they were pregnant. I was excited because I thought that this meant I would get a baby sister or brother," the blonde's tears broke free and she scrubbed them away only for them to be replaced with more.

"They decided then that they actually didn't want me and sent me back to .. they sent me back to a group home. I remember being devastated and I cried for the next several nights until one of the big kids told me 'Mandy, you should know by now that nobody wants you! Even your own birth mom didn't want any ugly girl like you.' He told me to get used to it that nobody would ever want me," Amanda said as she dissolved into a sobbing mess. This was the first time she had ever told anyone about this. She honestly wished she would have just forgotten.

Olivia sat in shock at what Amanda had just told her. She squeezed the hand that she was still holding but the blonde gave no response. She continued sobbing into her hands. Olivia did the only thing she knew to do. She gently wrapped her arm around the younger woman and wasn't surprised when Amanda turned into her embrace.

Amanda felt Olivia's arm come around her. She was not usually one for physical comfort but right now after sharing a part of herself that she had never shared with anyone else she needed some kind of comfort. She buried her face into the older woman's shoulder and continued to cry. Even when her adopted parents were together neither of them ever really offered Amanda this kind of comfort.

Amanda's sobs gradually ceased and she pulled away from Olivia. "I um I d .. don't think I can talk about this anymore. Can we stop, please?" Amanda asked in a voice barely above a whisper.

"Sweetie, of course we can stop, remember you are in control of what you want to share with me and when. I'm just here to listen and offer support," Olivia said in a reassuring tone. "Would you like some more wine? It's only 7, we can watch a movie or something?" she added.

"Yea, more wine would be good, and a movie sounds good," Amanda said in a small voice.

After a little bit of time deciding what movie to watch both women were propped on the couch with another glass of wine. Halfway through the movie Olivia noticed that Amanda's eyes were starting to flutter close. She saved the glass of wine before it could fall out of the younger woman's hands and then took a blanket from the back of the couch and laid it over the blonde. She was going to ask Amanda if she wanted to go and get in the bed but decided that she didn't want to come off as too patronizing so she decided to finish the movie and just let the blonde sleep on the couch until it was over. About 10 minutes later Olivia felt something hit her shoulder. She looked over with a smile to see Amanda using her shoulder as a pillow. The talk and everything that had been going on the past couple weeks had really taken its toll on the younger woman. Olivia ran her hand through blonde hair and whispered, "I hope you know how sorry I am for what you had to go through. You can be mad at me for the rest of your life but just know that if I could take it back I would keep you in a heartbeat."

TBC . . .


	15. Chapter 15

**Hope everyone is still enjoying. I am making Amanda a little more emotional/sensitive than she is portrayed in the show. As usual I don't own SVU, just borrowing. Please review! Love hearing what you guys think. :)**

Chapter 14

As the movie ended, Amanda began to stir. When she realized where her head was she sat up quickly and blushed profusely. "I'm so sorry; I can't believe I just fell asleep. You were kind enough to invite me over, I'm so rude," Amanda said in a rush.

"Amanda, calm down, it's okay, really. I know the past several weeks have been really stressful for you and what you just shared with me, I'm assuming it was the first time you have ever shared; you must be exhausted," Olivia said in a gentle tone. "You don't have to apologize for falling asleep, I want you to feel comfortable around me," the older woman continued as Amanda kept her head down. "Would you like to go to bed? I'm kinda tired myself. The bed is all ready for you," she asked with a small smile.

"Yea, um that would be good. Olivia how are we going to tell the squad? There as to be some kind of rule against us working together now that we are um um related," Amanda said asked while worriedly biting her lip. She was so scared that she was going to have to leave the one place where she felt confident and the one part of her life that wasn't screwed up.

"Amanda, we don't have to share until you are absolutely ready. I have been thinking about this since I found out the news. I will transfer if it is going to be an issue. You don't need to worry about losing your spot on the squad," Olivia said trying to sound more sure of the situation than she actually was.

"Y you you would do that? But you've been with squad forever they would keep you before me," Amanda said in a whisper. "I think we should tell them sooner rather than later. It may help you to stay if we just come out with it. I have been pairing up more with Fin, maybe if we're not partners it will be okay," she continued trying to sound hopeful.

"Would you feel comfortable telling the squad over dinner here at my apartment? We could have everyone over and tell them together. I agree maybe telling everyone sooner would be helpful," the brunette said. She looked over to see the younger woman trying to stifle a yawn. "Why don't you go to bed, you look exhausted," Olivia said gently.

"Yea, um thanks again for having me," Amanda said finally meeting the older woman's eyes. She got up from her place on the couch. She wasn't sure what came over her but she hesitantly leaned down and gave Olivia a quick hug with a quiet goodnight, before pulling back and quickly making her way to the extra bedroom.

Olivia couldn't believe that Amanda had just given her a hug. She never thought the younger woman would ever be the one to initiate a hug, especially with how she first reacted to the news. Was Amanda really coming around to the idea of them being mom and daughter? Olivia didn't want to get her hopes up and she knew it would take a long time for the younger woman to really accept her as her mom, but this was a huge step.

TBC . . .


	16. Chapter 16

Please read and review!

Chapter 15

The next day Amanda and Olivia decided that they would wait another week before telling the squad. Olivia had said that she would invite everyone over for dinner. Amanda, feeling more comfortable around the older woman jokingly asked if she needed to come early and help cook again. The brunette had lovingly given her shoulder a playful shove telling her that she would do pasta and that it would be really good. The younger woman suddenly turned serious.

"Um, Olivia wh .. what exactly are we going to tell everyone?" Amanda asked hesitantly. "I'm not sure if I'm going to be able to do much of the talking. I'm still processing everything myself. But I don't think we should wait any longer. I'm really worried about what everyone's reactions are going to be," she continued in a rushed breath.

"It's ok, you don't have to say anything unless you want to. I'm just going to tell everyone the truth and tell them the same basic story I told you. I'm also worried about their reactions but whatever happens I want you to know that I will be here for you no matter what. I want you to realize that you are the most important thing in my life. I want to make up for all the crap you had to go through because of my poor decision," Olivia stated sincerely.

Amanda gave a small nod not really knowing how to respond. She had so many thoughts swirling around in her head. The biggest one being I really need some card action right now.

"I um I need to head back to my apartment. I need some more time to think about everything. Thanks again for having me," she said quietly.

"Ok sweetie. I just want you to remember that you are in total control here. If you don't feel comfortable with telling everyone right now we can wait. I want you to be the one to make these decisions. I feel like you deserve to be the one to make these choices," Olivia said in a reassuring tone.

Amanda grabbed her things and gave a wave and quiet goodbye. She got into her vehicle and headed to her usual casino. She couldn't wait to place down her first bet.

**SVU**

"Hey guys! How was your Thanksgiving," Olivia asked as Fin, Nick and Munch came into the squad room. Good, Fine, and Lots of Football were the answers that came from the boys. The brunette was waiting for Amanda to come in before she would ask everyone to come to her apartment next weekend. The blonde walked in a few minutes later looking stressed out. Olivia hated that she responsible for most of her stress and she hoped that she could make it up to the younger woman. She saw the captain coming out of his office to give them a new case.

"Hey Cap, before we get started I wanted to make a quick announcement. I would like to have everyone over to my apartment for dinner next Friday night, if you guys are free," she asked quickly. "I thought we could all use some time together outside the office," the brunette continued. She glanced at Amanda and noticed that she was biting her lip nervously.

As Olivia was talking to the guys Amanda was trying her best to act normally, though she felt like she wasn't doing very well at it. She heard everyone agree to the dinner and then realized all eyes were on her. "Yea, that sounds good," she forced herself to say. She hoped her nerves weren't being conveyed in her voice. She wished she could just disappear into the floor.

**SVU**

Olivia was currently making a salad, which consisted of pouring a bag into a bowl when she heard the doorbell ring. She wasn't surprised that it was Amanda saying the previous day she would come over early.

"Hey Amanda, how are doing?" Olivia asked once the younger woman was inside the apartment.

"I'm okay, a little nervous," Amanda said quietly.

"Are you sure you are okay with telling everyone today?" Olivia asked carefully.

"Yea, I want them to know. I don't feel comfortable hiding it anymore, especially from Fin. They deserve to know," she said quickly.

Amanda and Olivia sat on the couch and talked about how they would tell the squad and the plan for each type of reaction that might take place. The older woman reassured the blonde that no matter what happened she would be there for her. They were lost in their own thoughts when the doorbell rang. They both braced themselves for another difficult conversation.

TBC . . .

Hope you enjoyed!


	17. Chapter 17

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 16

During dinner the squad talked about the recent case they had just finished up. Nick was sharing funny stories about his daughter, Zara and Fin talked about how his son was doing. Munch was trying to convince everyone of the latest conspiracy theory involving the government. Cragen was simply sitting back watching everyone. Amanda was trying her best to hide her nerves and just act like everything was ok. She didn't say much except when prompted to answer something. Olivia was also doing her best to act normally, while also thinking about how the conversation was going to go. She subtly glanced over at Amanda every little bit and noticed that the younger woman was doing her best not to look uncomfortable. She wondered if maybe they should wait longer before they told everyone.

"Hey can everyone go and sit in the living room? I need to tell you all something," Olivia told the group.

"Can I use the restroom really quick?" Amanda asked quickly.

"Sure, let me just go with you so I can make sure I put a new hand towel in there," the brunette told her, hoping not to set off any alarm bells by wanting to talk to the younger woman in private really quick.

The men gathered in the living room while the woman went to the restroom.

"Amanda, hey, you okay?" Olivia said gently.

"Yea, I just needed a minute to gather my thoughts. I'm sorry but I'm probably not going to be very helpful with telling them" the blonde replied quietly.

"It's okay sweetie. You don't have to say anything to anyone until you are ready. Just remember whatever happens you are what is important to me. I'm not going to leave you," Olivia said reassuringly.

"Okay, just give me a minute and I'll be right out," Amanda whispered.

When the blonde reappeared in the living room, Olivia scooted over on the couch to make room for her. She could tell Amanda was so nervous for what was about to transpire, but was doing a good job of hiding it from the guys.

"So guys you're probably wondering why I asked you here. I have some news to share that I recently found out. Now before you start asking a bunch of questions let me tell you the background information. I'm going to start from the beginning because I need you to get the whole picture," Liv said in a rushed breath. The guys gave her confused looks but sat up to listen closely. She gave a glance to Amanda, who was trying her best not to look nervous. She was fiddling with a loose string from her blouse.

Olivia began telling a little about her childhood, mentioning how she was the product of a rape. That got a look of pain from Nick who was the only one who didn't know this information. She continued with a little about her childhood, saying it was not a good situation. Olivia then began talking about a young couple in high school who thought they were old enough to try sex. She then told them about something she had only shared with the blonde. She had become pregnant and that the father wanted nothing to do with the baby. All the men still had confused looks on their faces and Amanda looked like she was going to bolt at any moment.

"I had the baby, a little girl on April 30th, when I was 16. She was the cutest thing with blonde hair and bright blue eyes. I gave her up just a few seconds after she was born. It was the hardest decision I have ever had to make, but I just couldn't bring her into the home and lifestyle I was living. She deserved better so I put her up for adoption," Olivia said trying hard not to let the tears that had formed in her eyes. The guys all still had confused looks while she was talking but changed to sympathetic looks.

"Anyway, I recently found out what happened to her after all these years. She was placed in an organization when she was 9 and sent down to Atlanta," she said quietly. She could tell that registration had dawned on Munch, Fin and Cragen. Nick still had a look of confusion on his face so she continued. "My daughter is someone I am now working with. The daughter that I gave up is right here beside me. Amanda is my daughter," Olivia said as she grabbed the blonde's hand to help stop the shaking that had started.

TBC . . .


	18. Chapter 18

Enjoy and review!

Chapter 17

"Is this some type of joke?" Nick asked.

Fin saw the look on his partner's face and knew it was no joke. "Amaro they're not joking. When did you find out?" he turned to ask Amanda.

Amanda wasn't expecting to have to talk so she wasn't sure what to even say. She tightened her grasp on Olivia's hand, trying to get her to talk for her. The older woman gave her hand a squeeze and began talking.

"I found out a few weeks before Thanksgiving and told Amanda right away. We wanted to wait and tell you guys until we had kind of gotten over the shock of everything. Cap, I know the department has rules against family working together, so what do we need to do about both of us staying on as detectives?" Olivia asked with hesitation. She felt Amanda start shaking beside her and gave the hand she still held another squeeze.

"First, how are guys doing? This couldn't be an easy thing to find out," Cap said sincerely. "Amanda, are you ok?" Cap asked noticing the shaking.

"Yea, I'm ok it's just a lot to take in," she said quietly.

"I can understand. Why don't we have a meeting with the ADA on Monday to discuss all the legal stuff," he told the women.

"So how did you find out about this … connection," Nick hesitated trying to find the right word. "I mean no offense but you two don't look anything alike," he continued.

Amanda and Olivia looked at each other and Liv gave the hand she held another squeeze. She could tell Amanda was really overwhelmed and hoped that the guys would understand her next request. "Hey, would you guys mind if we talked more about this later. I think we both need some more time to get to know each other before we start sharing more about our story with other people," she stated in a rush. "I'm sorry for just dumping the information on you with no more explanation than this, but we really wanted you guys to know sooner rather than later," Olivia continued. She hoped they would understand.

"Of, course you guys can tell us later. Don't worry about it. Guys why don't we head out," Cragen spoke up. The other guys got up and made their way to the door. Fin stopped and turned back around. He went over and gave Liv a hug and then whispered something in Amanda's ear that made her smile slightly. They all said their goodbyes and Olivia shut the door and quickly went back to the couch where Amanda still sat looking really overwhelmed.

"Hey Amanda, are you ok?" Olivia asked gently as she sat next to the other woman.

"Yea, I'm sorry I froze up. I didn't think it would be this hard to tell everyone," the younger woman said softly. "I just don't want to be the reason that the squad is shaken up or split up. It wouldn't be fair to anyone, maybe it would have been better if I never would have moved up here," Amanda continued quietly. She was trying hard not to cry. Olivia's heart broke at her daughter's words. She took the blonde's hands in hers. "Amanda, listen to me. I am so glad that you are now in my life. You have no idea how thankful I am that I found out you are my daughter. You have already brought so much joy in my life," Olivia said compassionately. "I told you before that if it is a problem then I will transfer or I might even put in my papers, I've got enough years that I can do that. Please look at me honey," Olivia said gently as she continued to look at the top of Amanda's head. Amanda slowly lifted her head and swiped at the tears that were falling down her face. Olivia gave her a tender look and gently wiped away the tears that continued down the blonde's face. "You are what is important to me and I will do whatever I need to make sure that you are going to stay with the team. I'm not letting you go again," Olivia said as her own tears began to fall. A sob caught in Amanda's throat and she began crying in earnest. Olivia gently pulled her daughter to her and held her close as she continued to cry. Amanda had never felt more loved by anyone than in this moment.

TBC . . .


	19. Chapter 19

Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 18

Amanda's crying eventually stopped and she pulled away from Olivia. The older woman cupped her check and wiped away the remaining tears.

"Liv, can I tell you a little more about my life?" the blonde asked softly. "I think I'm ready," she continued.

"Of course, honey. Remember you are in control. I'm so thankful and honored that you are willing to share more with me," Olivia stated in a reassuring tone. "You want some wine to drink? I have some left from Thanksgiving," she asked Amanda.

"Yea, I might need that," the younger woman replied. Olivia went and got the wine and poured two glasses. She handed one to the blonde and as she retook her seat on the couch. Amanda took a long drink and sat it down on the coffee table in front of her. She couldn't believe she was about to open up more to the older woman but she just felt so safe with Liv and found herself wanting to open up more and more.

"So, the last place I ended was when the big kid told me those things. I really believed that he was right. I was placed in another foster home when I was about 8 that was really shitty. I think that was one of the worst places I've ever been," Amanda started. She braced herself for what she was about to say because she had never told anyone about this part of her life. She tried to will herself to stop shaking. Thankfully, Olivia noticed and offered her hand to hold, which the blonde took gratefully.

"It was um it was really bad. They already had like 4 kids staying with them. I um had to share a room with 3 other girls. The mom was nice enough but um the dad and the older brother, th.. they um they would always watch me change my clothes," Amanda said as her breathing increased. She wasn't even sure she could say the rest of the story. She felt Olivia squeeze her hand and she looked up to meet the older woman's eyes. She saw that the brunette had tears in her eyes that she was trying to hold in.

Olivia couldn't believe that her little girl had to go through something like that. She knew she had to ask the question.

"Amanda, did .. did they do anything to you?" Liv asked carefully.

"No, all they did was watch but they .. they I'm pretty sure they did to the other girls because they told me that 'daddy' would start touching me too, she stated in a rush. "I started being really bad and hoped that this would make them take me back. I was so scared," Amanda continued as she looked down starting to really shake. Olivia gave her hand a squeeze and then put an arm around the blonde bringing her close. Amanda tensed up but then gradually relaxed against the older woman. Her breathing started to decrease and her shaking lessened. Olivia started kept her arm around her as she started speaking.

"I'm so sorry you had to go through that. I wish I could turn back time and would have just kept you," she said sadly a tear falling down her cheek. "I'm just so thankful that I can be in your life now and I hope that one day you can forgive me," she continued softly. Amanda was wiping away her own tears as she listened to the brunette. They sat in silence for a while both thinking about everything. Olivia kept her arm around Amanda just taking comfort in the fact that she now had her daughter with her. Amanda felt her eyes starting to get heavy. She must have drunk more wine than she realized. She felt herself starting to doze slightly and just let sleep claim her, feeling more secure with Liv and knowing that she was safe.

Liv looked down a few minutes later and realized that Amanda had fallen asleep against her. She smiled and smoothed the blonde's hair. She couldn't believe the love she felt for the younger woman in just the short amount of time they had been together. She vowed to herself that she would do everything in her power not to let the other woman suffer anymore than she already had in her life. Liv thought about how the meeting on Monday would go with the ADA. She prayed that everything would turn out okay and that both she and Amanda would be able to keep their jobs.

TBC . . .


	20. Chapter 20

**Thanks for all your reviews! I really appreciate them! I am thinking about not following the timeline of the show exactly. I am going to try and include all of the bigger storylines but will also include my own cases and such. Hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 19

Amanda was so nervous about Monday she had spent almost all her time after she left Olivia's apartment at her favorite casino. It was the only thing that could keep her mind off the situation that she was currently dealing with. She was thankful that she was not down as much as she was several weeks ago. She knew she was still in over her head but she just needed something to keep her mind off everything. She was still having nightmares about what had happened in Atlanta and they seemed to also be about the cases that the squad was working on. Her bookie Murphy was keeping a close watch on her and she was really scared that he was going to find out that she was a cop. She just wished that she never would have started gambling but it was honestly the only thing she knew how to cope with things.

**SVU**

On Monday morning Olivia came into the squad room really early to prepare herself for what may happen with the ADA and the information Alex would share. To her surprise Amanda was already there working on a case file, although she didn't look like she was very focused. The older woman walked up to her and put a hand on her shoulder which made the blonde jump and whip around in her chair. She let out a deep breath when she realized it was only Liv.

"I'm sorry, sweetie. I didn't mean to scare you," Liv said as she gently rubbed Amanda's shoulder. "How long have you been here?" she asked.

"Just for a little bit. I couldn't sleep last night and I thought I would get some paper work done before everyone comes in," the blonde replied quietly. She was so nervous about what the ADA was going to say. She didn't want to be the reason Liv had to leave the squad. What scared her most though was losing the one thing that always made her feel confident; her job.

"Amanda, I promise you everything is going to be ok. I looked into the rules a little more and realized that family works together all the time. Heck, even the Police Commisoner's sons work for him as a detective and an officer," she tried to reassure the younger woman. "I know Cap is going to do everything he can to keep both of us here. And remember what I told you, I will sacrifice for you. It's about time I do something that will help you and not hurt you," she continued. She gave the younger woman a smile and rubbed her shoulder again. She saw Amanda relax slightly and the blonde rewarded her smile with one of her own.

The guys came in a short while later, trying to act like everything was normal although Amanda and Olivia both saw right through it. Fin walked over to the younger woman and put a hand on her shoulder and asked how she was doing.  
"You doin' okay Amanda?" he asked softly. He felt very protective of the blonde even though he had only know her for a couple months. She was like a little sister to him and he really didn't want to have to break in yet another partner.

"I'm ok, I just want to get it over with, you know," she replied quietly. Fin looked over at Liv and she gave him a small smile. The older woman could tell Fin was already very protective of Amanda and was thankful for that. It might make things a little easier for everyone to adjust to the situation.

At about 10:00, Alex Cabot walked into the squad room and into the captain's office. She had given a brief look at both Amanda and Olivia, trying to figure out why she was here. All the captain had told her over the phone was that the women had some legal questions to ask her and they needed her opinion on a situation. She was thoroughly confused because it didn't seem like it had anything to do with a case.

Captain came out of his office and motioned for Liv and Amanda to come into the office. Amanda could already feel her body starting to shake and she wished the floor would just swallow her. Liv saw the blonde start to shake and gently put her hand on the younger woman's shoulder. She gave her a smile that she hoped would reassure her.

"It's going to be okay, Amanda," Liv whispered to the blonde before they entered the office. The captain shut the door and motioned for everyone to sit down. Olivia greeted Alex with a polite 'hello' and turned her attention back to the younger woman beside her. This conversation could have the potential to change everything.

TBC...


	21. Chapter 21

I hope you guys are still liking the story. Enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 20

Once Olivia had finished her story, Cap had talked briefly about what the possibility would be to keep both women on the team. Alex Cabot wasn't even sure what to think. She had so many questions that she wanted to ask. She saw Amanda looking very overwhelmed and Olivia was holding her hand doing her best to calm the younger woman. Alex was thankful that she was about to deliver good news to both women.

"Wow, I really don't know what to say. The good news is that there is no specific rule or law about family working together. It would probably not be my first choice for your squad captain, but I think that as long as these two keep it professional in the office everything should be fine," Alex told the group. Amanda let out the breath she had been holding and felt Olivia tighten the grip on her hand. She was so thankful that she was going to be able to keep her job. She needed to say something to everyone though.

"Hey, um can you call the guys in here? I um need to say something," Amanda asked hesitantly. Cragen nodded and got up to call the guys in to the office. Olivia looked at the younger woman and when she met her eyes she gave her a smile and squeezed the hand she still held. She wasn't sure what the blonde was going to share but whatever it was she would support her daughter.

Everyone was gathered around in Cragen's office, each of them wondering what the young detective was going to say. Liv noticed that Amanda was starting to look overwhelmed and reached for her hand again. Surprisingly, Amanda shook her head and steeled herself to talk.

"I um I don't want any special treatment because of this new revelation," she said softly. "Please, treat me the same way you have been before you found out," she continued trying not to stumble over her words. She could feel her cheeks getting red and she felt her hand start to shake. Why did this have to happen to her? She was brought out of her thoughts by Fin talking.

"We gotcha girl. Don't worry I'm sure Cap will still kick your ass if you do something wrong," Fin said with a smile. This reassured her and she let out another breath.

"I'm glad I don't have to break in a new partner," Fin said only slightly joking. "I'm glad you guys are both staying. I couldn't handle Munch and Amaro by myself," he continued, trying to lighten the mood.

Olivia let out a breath she had been holding as well and realized that Amanda wanted to keep their relationship out of the office and she completely understood and respected that.

"So, from now on we are going to try and have permenant partners. Liv, you and Nick will be paired up and Amanda, you will switch between Munch and Fin," Cragen told his team. He dismissed everyone and told them to get to work on the newest case.

Amanda excused herself to the bathroom and threw up the little bit of food that she had eaten that morning. She was thankful that she was able to keep her job but she couldn't get out the feeling of dread she had in her stomach. She walked out of the stall and over to the sink to wash out her mouth. The door to the bathroom opened and Olivia walked in a look of concern on her face.

"Hey, I just wanted to check on you. You left the squad room in a hurry," she said.

Yea, I'm okay. I mean I'm happy that we can both stay but um I just wish that um," the younger woman stumbled over her words. "Nevermind, I just want to get to work," she mumbled.

"Amanda, I know this is hard and I'm so sorry that I brought this onto you," Olivia reassured. "Just know that you are still in control and we will take as slow or fast or whatever you want," she continued meeting the younger woman's eyes.

"Okay, just give me a few minutes and I'll be right out," Amanda replied. Olivia nodded and gave Amanda's shoulder a squeeze before walking out.

That night Amanda once again lost herself in the cards and made a couple of bets on football. This was the only way she could escape from the pain and chaos that was her life.

TBC . . .


	22. Chapter 22

**Enjoy!**

Chapter 21

Olivia was currently decorating her apartment with a new Christmas tree, wreaths, and tinsel. This was the first time in many years that she had actually decorated for the holiday. She wanted her apartment to feel special since she and Amanda were going to spend Christmas together. It took a little bit of convincing to get the younger woman to come. She had been distancing herself away from Olivia ever since they had told the squad. It was like if she got to close to Olivia her job wouldn't be there anymore. As much as Olivia understood that she wished the blonde would understand they could still have a relationship outside of work. She hoped that by spending the holiday together Amanda would understand that more and they could build on the relationship.

**SVU**

Amanda had spent the past several weeks since they told the squad in her favorite casino. She was in way over her head with money she owed. She was still big on playing the cards but she was also doing a lot more betting on football and basketball games. It seemed like every game that was being played she had money in it. She was starting to get nervous that this would actually make her lose her job but how else was she supposed to cope with the many nightmares and the crap of her life. Yea, she had gotten somewhat comfortable with Olivia the few weeks after the older woman had told her the news of their relationship. She just put that down to being in shock and not really knowing what else to do. She still didn't think she would ever be able to forgive Olivia, heck it was because of the older woman she was gambling right now. If she would have just kept her and raised her she knows she never would have been in this situation. That was the main reason she was so hesitant to go over to Olivia's for Christmas. After some persuasion from the brunette she agreed to go. The older woman had told her to pack a bag because she wanted her to stay the night on Christmas Eve. Again, this took some persuasion because Amanda's nightmares had been increasing drastically over the past month and she really didn't want to have one in the presence of Olivia. A part of Amanda was also so scared to get close to the other woman. It seemed like every time in her life she would get close to someone or let them enter her life she would get hurt. She didn't want to give Olivia the chance to leave her so she had distanced herself from the older woman.

**SVU**

"Hey Amanda, please come in," Olivia greeted warmly.

"Hey Liv, thanks for having me," Amanda said walking into the apartment.

"Wow, you really went all out with the decorations," the blonde said noticing all the things Liv had up. "I haven't had decorations up since I was down in Georgia, the first Christmas my parents adopted me," she continued. "I like it," she said giving her a smile. Olivia smiled back at her, happy that she could provide the blonde with a good memory.

"So I was thinking that we could start out with just watching some Christmas movies. I bought another turkey to cook for dinner, if you could help put that in now that would be great," she told the other woman.

"That sounds great, and yes I will be glad to help you cook. I really don't want to get food poisoning on Christmas," Amanda said with a big grin. Olivia laughed and gave her a playful shove.

The day turned out to be very relaxing and Amanda was actually really glad she came. They spent most of the day watching classic Christmas movies and forgetting work issues for a little while. The women ate a wonderful meal that Amanda cooked. After dinner Liv thought it would be the perfect time for her and Amanda to open the gift she had gotten them. She hoped it wouldn't be too cheesy for the younger woman but she had always wanted to do this.

"Amanda, I got us a present to open tonight. I hope you like it," she said handing the blonde a wrapped gift. Amanda gave her a confused look but took the present. As she opened it she got a smile on her face. "I have always wanted new pajamas to wear for Christmas morning. I had friends do it back in Atlanta but my mom thought it was stupid. Thanks Olivia!" she said giving the woman a big smile.

"I'm so glad you like them! I actually got myself some too," she said ripping into her own package. When Amanda saw that Liv had gotten a matching pair she laughed.

"Wow, matching pjs, never thought you'd be one for doing this," she told the brunette with a shy smile.

"Yea, well, what can I say I am sentimental every now and again. Just like you I've always wanted to do this but never had anyone to do it with," Liv said returning the smile.

That night after setting out the milk and cookies for Santa, another tradition that the women liked but had never really done, they called it a night. Amanda tried to stay awake as long as she could trying to avoid having a nightmare. She finally fell asleep at two. Little did she know about the dreams that would haunt her sleep.

TBC...


	23. Chapter 23

**Hope you enjoy! Love your reviews!**

Chapter 22

No, please … don't ….. I don't want …. Stop!

Olivia was pulled from her sleep by someone yelling. After a few seconds her brain registered that it was coming from the guest bedroom. She quickly got out of the bed and went to the other bedroom. The yelling intensified once she entered the bedroom. She turned on the lamp beside the bed and found Amanda tossing and turning in the bed repeating 'stop, don't, no please.' It broke the older woman's heart and she quickly started to rouse the blonde from the dream.

"Amanda, sweetie, wake up," Liv whispered getting closer to the younger woman. She gently placed a hand on the blonde's shoulder and shook it gently. "Wake up honey. You're okay. It's Liv," she continued. Amanda shot up still caught in the grips of the dream. She shoved Liv's hand off of her and began breathing heavily.

"Honey, it's me. It's Olivia. I'm not going to hurt you," the brunette said again putting her hand on Amanda's shoulder, trying to ground her back in the present. Amanda finally snapped out of the dream and looked groggily at the older woman.

"Livia?" Amanda asked confused.

"Yea it's me, Olivia," she said sitting down beside the blonde. She wasn't entirely surprised when Amanda moved closer to her. "Are you okay? Do you want to talk about it?" she gently asked as she brought her arm around the younger woman.

"I'm okay. It was just a stupid dream," Amanda said softly. Even though she said she was okay Olivia could tell she was anything but. Especially considering the grip Amanda now had on her hand. She gently ran her hand up and down the younger woman's arm in a reassuring manner.

"Do you think you will be able to go back to sleep?" Olivia asked after a couple minutes.

"Yea, I'll be fine. I'm sorry I woke you up," Amanda replied quietly.

"Honey, you don't have to ever apologize for a nightmare," the older woman was quick to reassure. "Are you sure you don't want to talk about it?" Olivia continued.

"No, I just want to forget," she whispered so quietly Olivia almost didn't hear her. She decided not to push the blonde on the subject. She noticed Amanda had pressed herself up against the her and it didn't take long for her to also place her head on the older woman's shoulder.

"You mind if I keep you company for the rest of the night?" Olivia asked her softly.

"Sure, if you want to," Amanda replied, wanting to give the brunette a chance to bail if she wanted to; although, she really was thankful for her presence. After a nightmare she would usually stay up until her body was so physically exhausted she would have to sleep. Either that or she would sometimes take a couple sleeping pills on those nights that were really bad.

"Well, this bed I think is actually more comfortable than mine," the brunette started. "And I really don't want to move from this spot," she continued. She felt Amanda relax slightly beside her and she knew she was making the right decision by staying with her.

"Why don't you try and go back to sleep. I'll be right here to wake you up if I need to," Olivia whispered gently. She felt Amanda nod her head and she readjusted them so they were laying down. After a few minutes she felt the younger woman's breathing even out into sleep. She gently ran her hand through blonde hair and slowly drifted off to sleep.

TBC . . .


	24. Chapter 24

Enjoy! Please read and review! Hope everything is making sense. Once again I don't own SVU or the characters, just borrowing.

Chapter 23

Mid January

Things between Amanda and Olivia had been going as well as to be expected. The younger woman was still keeping her distance from the brunette while at work and they had only had dinner together once since Christmas. The older woman could tell Amanda was distancing herself from her, which she didn't understand because she thought the blonde was starting to grow closer. The dinner had been even more awkward than the first one they had together. Olivia just wished the blonde would open up to her but she knew she couldn't push Amanda and needed to let her be in control.

The captain had been doing his best to pair them up with different partners, only pairing them up when a victim was uncomfortable with a man. Olivia was doing her best to give the younger woman her space and keep things professional at work. The blonde detective had been adamant about not getting special treatment and not being looked at as Olivia's daughter while at work. Liv knew that the job meant everything to Amanda and that she didn't want to take any chance of losing it. The older detective respected this and did her best to talk about work only and not involve personal stuff. Little did Olivia know that work and their personal lives were about to intersect greatly.

**SVU**

Liv was in a peaceful sleep when her phone went off. She wearily picked up her phone not paying attention to the ID.

"Benson," she said groggily.

"Liv, it's Cragen, listen I just got a call about a homicide in the upper east. Two parents were killed and their daughter is in critical condition," the Cap explained quickly.

"Ok, but why'd they call us?" she questioned. "Shouldn't homicide take this?" she continued, now trying to get dressed.

"The mom was a power player in the rights activists for LGBTQ, and the daughter has appeared to have been raped," he explained. "I'll send you the address," Cap said.

"Ok, do I need to call the others?" she asked.

"No, I've got it," he said ending the call.

By the time Olivia got to the crime scene, Fin and Nick were already there. A few minutes later Amanda and Munch arrived. Liv gave them a smile and got to work.

"What do we have?" Amanda asked.

"Looks like both parents were shot in the head," Nick answered. "I think the bullet went through the mom's head and then hit the girl," he continued.

Amanda noticed QUEERS had been written across the wall above where the victims lay.

"So, do we think this is a hate crime?" she asked to know one unparticular. She had a bad feeling about this especially after hearing the daughter may have been raped.

"Maybe, why don't you and Liv go and see if the girl is awake," Munch said.

"Nick, you and Fin finish up her and then go talk to the organization the mom worked for. See if the family had any enemies. I'm going to brief the Captain," he told everyone.

On the trip to the hospital, Olivia studied Amanda and noticed the blonde looked more tired than usual. She had bags under her eyes and even seemed more pale than her normal creamy color.

"Hey Amanda, how are you doing?" Liv asked carefully. "I feel like the only time we've really seen each other lately is at work," she continued.

"I'm fine, just haven't been sleeping well," Amanda answered. While this was true, she had been having trouble sleeping, she had also been gambling more than ever. She would hit up a casino almost every day once she was done with work. Her bookie, Murphy was getting increasingly impatient with her and was constantly blowing up her phone, demanding payments. She was thankful he still hadn't realized she was a cop. Amanda was brought out of her thoughts by Olivia saying they were at the hospital. The older woman put a hand on her arm and gave her a smile when she looked up. Amanda returned the smile with a small one of her own.

**SVU**

At the hospital, Liv and Amanda found out that the girl was currently in a coma and had been raped multiple times, and from the test results it seemed that it had been occurring for a while. They talked to the doctor and he told them that she would most likely stay in the coma for several days until the swelling of her brain had gone down. They headed back to the station and come back once the young girl was out of the coma. Fin and Amaro had found out some interesting things out when looking into the family. The dad liked to gamble and was behind in payments. The mom didn't seem like she had any enemies because she mainly worked behind the scenes in the organization. When Amanda heard the word gamble she felt herself tense up. Thankfully, no one noticed.

"Ok, Fin you and Amaro go find and bring in the bookie, Liv, you and Amanda see what else you can find out about the girl. Maybe there is someconnection through her," Munch told everyone.

While Olivia and Amanda were going through things on the teen's computer, Nick and Fin walked in with the dad's bookie. Nick and Fin questioned him and came up with no evidence or reason to keep holding him. As he walked out of the interrogation room and into the squad room his eyes met Amanda's. He gave her a brief smile that sent shivers up her spine. Fin saw the smile too, and questioned her about it. She gave him a playful answer and a smile, but on the inside she was terrified. Amanda knew her life was about to change yet again.

TBC . . .


	25. Chapter 25

Hope you enjoy this chapter!

Chapter 24

After spending several hours in the squad room and coming up with no real leads Captain sent everyone home to get some sleep. They all agreed there wasn't much they could do until the teen woke up. Amanda avoided Liv and got out of the squad room as soon as the Captain made the announcement to go home. She noticed Fin gave her a concerned look but she didn't make eye contact. When she got to her vehicle she got in and drove away quickly. Olivia knew something was off with her daughter and decided that tomorrow she would try and talk to her. The brunette went to her apartment and laid down to sleep for a while. She was woken up several hours later by her phone going off. She looked at the caller ID, but didn't recognize the number.

"Benson," she said into the phone.

"Detective Benson, we have a woman here in the hospital who had your card in her purse," the nurse said.

"I'll be there shortly. Can you tell me her name?" Liv asked.

"Amanda Rollins is the name on her ID," the nurse stated. Olivia froze. Her daughter was in the hospital? A thousand thoughts crossed the older woman's mind and she had to stop herself from thinking the worst.

"Detective, you still there?" the nurse asked trying to get Olivia's attention.

"Yea, I'll be right there," she finally replied. Olivia wasn't sure what she was going to find when she got to the hospital but she really didn't want to go by herself. She made the decision to call Fin, after all he was Amanda's partner and they had a tight bond.

"Liv, what's up?" Fin answered after the third ring. "We got another vic?" he asked. Liv felt her eyes start to water and she had trouble speaking over the lump in her throat.

"Fin, it's Amanda. I don't know what happened, but a nurse just called me and said to come to the hospital," She stumbled over her words as a tear escaped.

"Liv, I'll swing by your apartment and pick you up," Fin said, trying to be strong but feeling everything but. "Don't worry, she's gonna be okay. She's strong, just like her mom," he tried to reassure.

The trip to the hospital seemed like it took forever, in reality, Fin got them there within fifteen minutes. They both braced themselves as they entered the hospital.

"Olivia Benson, I was just called," Liv stated when they approached the nurse's desk. "Amanda Rollins, she is a detective that we work with," she said pointing to Fin. "How is she?" Liv asked in a rushed tone.

"Hold on, let me just get her doctor, so he can explain," the nurse stated as she went to get him.

The doctor appeared a few minutes later. He ushered them into a private room.

"First off let me tell you how we found the young woman. A couple came upon her in an alley near a gas station," the doctor stated. "They called an ambulance and the responders said she was barely conscious when they got there," he continued. Liv felt the blood drain from her face and felt Fin's hand on her back. He asked the doctor to tell them about her injuries. Liv was so thankful she made the decision to call him. She braced herself once again to hear what happened to her daughter.

"We did tests and took some x-rays and it appears she has a bad concussion from a fall. There was a deep gash in her head that we stitched up and some superficial cuts and bruises on her face and arms. She has deep bruising on her back and stomach. She has multiple bruised ribs. It was making it difficult to breath so she is currently receiving help from nostril canula," he finished.

"But she is going to be okay?" Olivia asked with a shaky voice. Fin's hand was rubbing circles on her back.

"Yes, she should make a full recovery. Right now she is asleep due to the pain medication that we currently have on her. She will need to remain in the hospital for a couple days just to monitor the concussion and her breathing because of the bruised ribs," the doctor stated.

"Can we see her?" Liv asked.

"Yes, but realize that she probably won't wake up for several hours," he said and led down the hallway.

The doctor guided them into the hospital room that currently held the blonde. Liv stood in shock when she saw the condition of her daughter.

TBC . . .

Please review!


	26. Chapter 26

Thanks for the reviews! Please keep them coming. I love getting your feedback!

Chapter 25

Liv stood in shock when she saw the condition of her daughter.

Amanda was in the bed hooked up to several machines. She had a busted lip, a bruise on her cheek, and a bandage on her forehead. Her arms looked like they had several bruises on them. She looked more pale than usual and her breathing seemed uneasy. The nostril canula seemed to be helping though. At least she didn't seem to be in pain. Liv walked over and sat in the chair next to the bed. She gently took her daughter's hand in hers and rubbed her thumb over the back of the blonde's hand. Olivia let a couple tears fall and tried to speak over the lump in her throat.

"Oh sweetie, who did this to you?" she whispered. She let more tears fall and gently moved the blonde's bangs away from her face. She turned to Fin, who had yet to say anything. He gave her a sad smile and walked to the other side of the bed. He gently put a hand on the Amanda's shoulder.

"Manda, we are going to get the people who did this to you. Hang in there partner," he reassured. He had a bad feeling about what happened but didn't want to voice his concerns just yet. He kept replaying the smile Murphy had given Amanda earlier that day and her reaction. Something was definitely up with that but didn't want to tell Liv his suspicions just yet. They needed to wait for his partner to wake up and get her story.

"Liv, I'm going to go and call the Captain, Munch, and Nick and let them know what happened," Fin said looking up at Olivia.

"Yea, thanks Fin. I'm going to take a couple personal days and stay with Amanda at least until she is released from the hospital," Liv told him softly.

"Ok girl, do whatever you need to. Just know that we are all here for both of you guys," Fin answered as he moved to give Liv's shoulder a squeeze.

"Thanks Fin," Liv replied quietly. "Who would want to do this to Amanda? I mean she hasn't even been in New York that long," she asked, just needing to voice her thoughts out loud.

"I'm not sure, Liv, but whoever did this we are going to get them," he assured her. "I'm going to go let everyone know what is up," he continued as he made his way to the door. Liv nodded and whispered a goodbye before turning back to her daughter. She grasped the blonde's hand again as she started to speak.

"Amanda, I hope you know how much I love you. You have brought so much light into my life since you came into it. I know you are still mad at me for giving you up, and I don't blame you at all. I wish, God you have no idea how much I regret that decision," Liv whispered softly as tears started coursing down her cheeks. "I hope one day that you can find it in your heart to forgive me for not keeping you. I'm going to do everything in my power to make it up to you and will never leave you on your own again," she continued as she reached out and gently cupped her daughter's cheek. Amanda still slept peacefully and showed no signs of waking up. Liv sat back in her chair and got comfortable. Her eyes slowly slipped closed and she fell into a light sleep.

**SVU**

Amanda woke up in a haze. She felt a dull ache in her chest and back. She also had a headache that was really hurting. She slowly opened her eyes and was confused as to where she was. The blonde looked around the room until her eyes landed on the brunette in the chair next to her. She closed her eyes again trying to remember how she got here. Her brain was in such a fog that she was having trouble remembering what exactly happened. She remembered being at a gas station and then seeing _him. _Amanda winced as she remembered who did this to her. Her gambling had gotten her here. She couldn't believe he had found out she was a cop. The blonde then remembered his words, 'you tell anyone about what happened this will seem like a scratch' and then he and another guy began hitting her and dragged her into the alleyway. They had pushed her and after that she had blacked out. She opened her eyes again and looked at the older woman in the chair. How was she supposed to keep this from Olivia. Her eyes got heavy again and she didn't fight the sleep that claimed her, her only thought being 'it's all my fault, and I deserve this.'

TBC . . .

Hope you enjoyed!


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 26

Olivia had been dozing for about 30 minutes when Fin walked back in. He gently shook her shoulder to wake her up.

"Sorry, Liv, I just got done talking with Cap. He handed off the case to another team just until we find out who did this to Amanda," Fin stated. "Cragen said he is going to come by in a little while to check on you guys. I also talked to Munch and Amaro. They are meeting me at the alley where they found Amanda. Are you okay by yourself til he comes?" he asked.

"Yea, I'll be fine. I just need her to wake up and start talking. I just don't understand how or why this happened," Liv said quietly.

"Don't worry, we're going to figure this out. She's going to be okay, Liv," he reassured. He gave her shoulder a squeeze and walked out to go join Munch and Amaro.

**SVU**

Captain Cragen was now very confused. One of his detectives had just been beat and was currently in the hospital. When Fin had called he explained the condition of the young detective. He couldn't figure out who would do this to Amanda. After all she had only been in New York for a few months. He told Fin he would hand the case over to another team for the time being. He wanted his team to focus on finding who did this to Amanda. He called several people to hand off the case and then made his way to the hospital.

When the Captain got to the hospital Liv was in a chair beside Amanda's bed gently rubbing her fingers over the blonde's hand. He walked in and shut the door behind him.

"Hey Liv, how is she?" he asked quietly.

"Hey Cap, she still hasn't woken up. Have you talked to the guys? Are there any clues at the scene where they found her?" Liv asked looking up.

"They haven't called me with anything yet. I think our best bet is going to be waiting for Amanda to wake up and getting the story from her," he told the brunette. Liv nodded and went back to looking at her daughter.

"Had Amanda seemed okay to you?" Cap asked. "I know with everything going on with your guys situation, she was probably stressed," he continued. Liv looked back up at him with a sigh.

"I know she hadn't been sleeping well and she seemed more off than usual," Liv explained. "I was going to try and talk to her and see if she would tell me," the brunette continued. She looked back at the blonde and gently ran a finger over her cheek.

"Cap, I'm going to need a couple personal days. I want to stay with Amanda at least until she is released from the hospital," Liv said looking back at him.

"Of course, I was going to recommend a couple days off anyway. Take as much as you need," Cragen told her. "I'm going to head back to the station. There is paperwork I need to complete," he explained. "Let me know when she wakes up," the older man told her. "She's strong Liv. She's going to get through this," he reassured as he squeezed her shoulder. Liv watched as he left the room and then focused on her daughter once more.

**SVU**

An hour later Amanda began to stir. Liv was holding her hand when she felt it flex. Slowly, blue eyes opened and looked around.

"Amanda, hey sweetie, I'm so glad you're awake," Liv said as she brushed the blonde's bangs away from her face and squeezed her hand.

"Liv?" she whispered, her throat feeling extremely dry.

"Yea, it's me. How are you feeling?" the brunette asked.

"Thirsty," Amanda whispered.

"Here let me get a cup of water," she reached over and grabbed a cup with a straw. Liv carefully brought the straw to the blonde's lips as she took a few sips. "Better?"

"Yea, thanks," the younger woman said with a wince.

"Are you in pain, Amanda?" Olivia asked noticing the wince.

"My head is really hurting. So is my chest and back," she said quietly.

"The doctor told me that you have a concussion and they had to put stitches in your head from a fall. Your ribs are bruised and you also have bruising on your belly and back," the older woman explained. "I'm going to call a nurse in to look you over," Liv told the blonde. Amanda simply nodded.

While the nurse was looking her over, Amanda was trying to decide how she was going to answer the questions she knew the older woman would be asking soon. Should she say she didn't know her attacker? Or should she just tell Liv everything. She was so scared the woman would not want anything to do with her after this. How was she even supposed to tell Liv about the gambling. Gosh, why did this have to happen? She was lost in her thoughts when the nurse left the room. Amanda jumped when she felt a hand on her arm. She looked up to see Olivia looking at her with concern.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you," Liv told her gently.

"Honey, are you ready to talk about who did this to you?" the older woman asked after a couple minutes. Amanda began to tear up because she knew she couldn't lie to Liv and needed to come clean about everything.

TBC . . .


	28. Chapter 28

I really hope you guys are still enjoying this. More to come soon.

Chapter 27

The young woman told herself that Olivia was going to abandon her just like everyone else had done in her life when they found out how fucked up she was. Her life had trained her to expect the worst outcome possible because that is what usually ended up happening. She braced herself for the difficult conversation that was about to happen and the fact that she was probably going to lose yet another family.

"Honey, can you tell me what happened?" Liv repeated, when she saw Amanda deep in thought.

"Liv, I .. I have a problem," she began and stumbled over her words. Olivia gave her a concerned look and gently took her hand. This made Amanda's tears increase and a few slipped their way down her cheek.

"Sweetie, whatever it is, you can tell me," Liv reassured the younger woman.

"I know who did this to me. He .. he .. I owed him money for gam.. gambling," she managed to get out, hating the way it sounded. "I was .. it started in Atlanta. It got worse when I came up here. And ever.. everything that has happened, it was .. I couldn't stop," she said in a rush trying to stop the tears that were now flowing down her cheeks. "I … I'm sorry, I understand if you don't want anything to do with me now," Amanda said not looking at the older woman. "I deserved this, it's my fault this happened. If I wasn't such a screw up," the blonde said as a sob escaped and she buried her face in her hands and started sobbing.

Amanda heard her move from her chair. She braced herself for the door opening and Liv walking out. Everyone else did. To Amanda's surprise she felt the bed dip and felt strong arms wrap around her. She peered up and realized that Olivia was holding her. The older woman pulled her closer and gently started smoothing the blonde's hair, careful to avoid the bandage. This gesture only made her cry harder and she buried her face in Liv's shoulder.

While Olivia was listening to her daughter her heart broke. Amanda truly believed that she deserved this and what's worse, Liv was partially responsible for making the younger woman so stressed that she was in this position. When the blonde began sobbing into her hands she moved from her chair and moved onto the bed wrapping her arms around her daughter and pulling her close and smoothing blonde hair. She wasn't surprised when Amanda buried her head in her shoulder. Olivia pressed a gentle kiss to the blonde head and simply held Amanda letting her feel her presence. After several minutes she heard Amanda's sobbing reduce but kept holding her just letting the blonde know that she was there and she wasn't going to leave her.

TBC . . .

Thanks for reading! :)


	29. Chapter 29

**Hope you enjoy this chapter.**

Chapter 28

A couple minutes of holding her daughter Olivia noticed that Amanda was now rubbing her head and slightly whimpering.

"Amanda, are you okay? Are you in pain," the older woman asked the blonde as she pulled away to look at her.

"My head is just really hurting," Amanda said in a whisper.

"Let me call the nurse and see if they can give you something," Liv told her softly. She pressed the call button and after several moments a nurse showed up.

"Could you give her something for the pain? She said her head is really hurting," Liv asked as the nurse checked Amanda over.

"Of course, just give me a minute," the nurse replied as she readied a needle full of pain killer and inserted it into Amanda's IV. "You should start to feel the pain decrease shortly," she told the blonde as she left the room.

Olivia once again sat down on the bed beside Amanda. She smiled when her daughter leaned into her and rested her head on her shoulder. She was thankful she could provide the younger woman with some comfort. She knew that they were going to have to have a long conversation about the gambling but for now she simply wrapped her arms around the blonde holding her close. Several minutes later Amanda's breathing evened out and Liv realized she had fallen asleep leaning against her. She pressed another small kiss to the blonde forehead.

After several minutes of holding her daughter Olivia decided to make a phone call to Fin and have him come to the hospital so he could be here when she took Amanda's statement. She knew the blonde would feel more comfortable with her partner than anyone else in the squad.

**SVU**

Fin entered the hospital room about an hour later after receiving a phone call from Olivia. She didn't give much detail, just that Amanda had woken up and knew who did this to her and she wanted him there to take the younger woman's statement. Amanda looked like she was sleeping peacefully and Olivia was on the bed beside her gently smoothing the blonde's hair. She looked up when she saw him come in and gave him a small smile.

"Hey Liv, how is she doing?" Fin asked.

"Well, she woke up and was really upset. She said she knows who did this to her," Liv explained. "Amanda hasn't told me his name but she said she owed him money, for gambling," she continued as she ran her hand through the blonde's hair.

"So this wasn't a random attack," Fin sighed knowing he needed to come clean about his gut feeling. He braced himself for a difficult conversation with the brunette.

"Liv, I think I know who may have done this," he started. "We need to wake up Amanda and get her to confirm," Fin continued. He then proceeded to tell Liv about Murphy, the gambling and the reaction in the squad room.

"I know I probably should have said something sooner but I didn't want to make any accusations until we got Amanda's story," Fin said apologetically. "I should have pushed her when I saw the dudes reaction to seeing her, maybe . .

"It's not your fault, Fin," a soft voice interrupted him. Liv and Fin looked down to see Amanda had woken up. "It's mine, for getting so caught up in the cards, I deserved this" she continued softly, not looking at either older detective.

"Manda, nobody deserves this," he reassured. "So, you made a mistake. We're going to help you get through this," he said as he gently squeezed her shoulder. This action made Amanda look up at Fin and give him a brief nod. She gave a quick glance to Olivia and then put her head back down. She was so ashamed that it had gotten this far. She felt a warm hand grasp hers and she looked up again at Liv. She saw a look of care and compassion in the older woman's eyes. She held Olivia's gaze for a couple seconds and then reached for her, wanting the comfort the brunette would offer her.

Olivia wrapped the younger woman in her arms, even though she was shocked Amanda was allowing this side of herself to show herself to her partner. Regardless, of Fin's presence in the room she pulled the younger woman closer and let her rest her head on her shoulder, careful of the bandage on her head. They stayed in that embrace for a few minutes. Olivia knew that they needed to get Amanda's statement. "Amanda, do you think you can tell us what happened? We need to find out what happened," she asked. The blonde gave a subtle nod into the older woman's shoulder and braced herself to tell her and Fin everything that involved the gambling.

**Thanks for reading! Please review! I like hearing what my readers think. :)**


	30. Chapter 30

**SO sorry for the long wait! I hope you enjoy!**

Chapter 29

Amanda braced herself to tell Liv and Fin everything that had happened.

She sat up straighter but didn't let go of Liv's hand she was holding. It was good to feel like she wasn't alone.

"I started gambling down in Atlanta after a rough day," Amanda began. "It wasn't that much just a couple bets on football games. Once I came up here I started playing cards," she continued not able to look at either older detective. She was so ashamed that she got into this position.

"I thought I would be able to control it but then I found out about .. well about us, Liv, and I got deeper and deeper," she said with a shaky voice as a her eyes welled with tears. Liv squeezed her hand and started gently smoothing her hair trying to calm her down.

"It's okay, baby, after everything that you've been through, I understand," the brunette said as she tried to make eye contact with the younger woman. "Honey, please look at me," Olivia asked in a gentle voice. After a moment Amanda brought herself to look at the older woman. Her tears had long since run over and were making their way down her face. Liv gave her a comforting look and gently wiped the tears away. She then leaned over and gave her daughter a small kiss on the cheek. The blonde blushed but leaned closer to the older woman.

"Can you tell us about the attack, Amanda?" Fin asked after a few minutes. Amanda gave a nod and began telling about the attack.

"After I saw Murphy in the squad room I knew there was going to be trouble, I just didn't expect him to come after me like this," the blonde explained quietly. "I really didn't know what to expect but it certainly wasn't this," she said pointing to her head. "Anyway, he and this other guy got the jump on me when I was stopped at a gas station," she continued. "They … They Murphy punched me in the stomach .. he pull … pulled my hair … told me to come with him … I told him no … he pulled out a gun and pointed it at my head," Amanda said her voice and body both shaking. "I didn't know what to do so I .. I went with him .. I'm so stupid. I should have fought back .. I'm so stupid!" Amanda growled as tears of frustration came down her face.

Olivia who had been listening intently brought her arm around Amanda and pulled her close. "Honey, you had a gun pointed at your head, you are not stupid," Liv soothed as she stroked blonde hair. She shared a look with Fin who gave her a small smile.

"Can you tell us what happened next Manda?" Fin asked softly. The blonde nodded and continued the story.

"They pulled me into an ally near the gas station. I was so scared. They took turns punching me .. it hurt .. I fell onto my knees and then they took turns punching my back," she stated, voice shaking with fear. "He told me that if I said anything to anyone this would seem like a scratch," she said as more tears fell. "Murphy jerked me up and threw me into the wall. That's when everything went black," Amanda said trying to ignore the feeling of nausea that was building in her stomach. "I'm so sorry I let this happen, Liv. I .. I .. please don't leave me," Amanda said sobbing into the older woman's shoulder. Olivia's heart was breaking for her daughter. "Shhh, I'm not going anywhere, I promise," the brunette said trying to calm the younger woman. She continued stroking blonde hair whispering words of comfort and reassurance in the younger woman's ear. After a couple minutes Olivia realized that Amanda had fallen asleep once more. She pressed a light kiss to her forehead as she continued to hold her broken daughter. She looked over at Fin who gave her another sad smile.

"Motherhood really suits you, Liv," Fin stated as he got up from his place in the chair. "I need to go tell the squad who did this so we can get justice for Amanda," he continued. He gently squeezed Amanda's hand and gave Liv a brief hug. "I won't tell them about the gambling, but she is going to have to come clean to the captain.

"Thanks, Fin. We are going to talk about it too. I'm going to find some kind of meeting or something for her to attend. I can't believe she thought she deserved this," Olivia stated sadly, looking down at the younger woman.

"We're going to help her through this. She won't be alone," Fin reassured the brunette detective. Liv gave him a smile.

"Thank you, Fin. Just knowing that I have you guy's support with this whole situation, means more than you know," Olivia stated gratefully. "Thanks for being such a good partner to Amanda. She's so lucky to have you," Liv said as she wiped a tear from her eye. Fin gave her another hug and told her to take care of their girl. He then left to go and tell the squad. Olivia went back to stroking the blonde head that was lying on her shoulder. She was so relived that her daughter was going to be okay.


	31. Chapter 31

Would love your reviews! They help keep me motivated.

Chapter 30

It had been two days since the attack on Amanda. The squad had taken Murphy and his accomplice into custody after finding enough evidence and Amanda's testimony. Liv had stayed with Amanda almost the entire time, only going home to shower and sleep for a couple hours after Fin practically forced her out of the room. Amanda told her that she would be fine for a couple hours and also practically forced the older woman out. Amanda was currently signing the discharge papers so that she could go home, although it would be another week before she could go back to work and another two on desk duty. The blonde was not the happiest camper about that, she HATED desk duty.

"Hey, Amanda are you ready to go?" Liv asked the younger woman. She had already convinced the blonde to stay with her for the next week or so. She hadn't brought up the gambling yet, wanting to give Amanda some time to heal, but knowing that was something they needed to do this week before she started working again. The blonde was also going to have to talk to the Captain about everything. Olivia had a feeling he already knew but was giving Amanda the time she needed to recover.

"I'm so ready to be out of this hospital! Did I mention I hate hospitals," Amanda voiced.

"Yea, you may have mentioned that a few times," Liv said with a smirk. It was in fact a statement that she had heard from the blonde quite a bit during her short stay. "So, Fin went to your apartment and is going to bring over some of your things later today," she continued.

"Are you sure it's okay that I stay with you for a couple days?" Amanda asked hesitantly. She really didn't want to impose on the other woman. She wasn't used to being taken care of either so it was hard to wrap her mind around Liv wanting to help her.

"Of course I'm sure. I've already told the Captain I'm taking off a couple more days," Liv stated sincerely. The blonde gave her a nod still not quite believing that Olivia was still in her corner, even after she had messed up. Usually, in the past when she did something wrong she would either be punished severely or simply sent back to whichever group home she was at. Amanda was caught up in her thoughts when she felt a hand on her arm. She jumped and then realized it was Liv. Liv gave her a concerned look but didn't comment. After a seconds of silence Liv spoke.

"Come on, let's get you home," Liv stated as she gently put her arm around Amanda and lead her out of the room.

When they got to Olivia's apartment Amanda was exhausted. She was leaning heavily against the older woman as she unlocked the door and they made their way inside.

"Why don't you go and lay down. I'll bring your pain meds to you in a few minutes," Liv stated gently as she led the blonde to the extra bedroom. Amanda gave her a nod and slowly made her way over to the bed. She gently eased herself onto the bed and carefully got under the covers. She was so tired from everything that had happened and she knew that Olivia was going to want to talk about the gambling, which really worried her. Amanda was brought out of her thoughts by Liv coming back into the room with her pills and a glass of water.

"Here you go sweetie," Liv said as she handed the blonde the pills and the water.

"Thanks, Liv," the younger woman stated after swallowing the pills. She closed her eyes and felt a hand comb through her hair making her relax. She let herself fall asleep to the comforting touch.

Liv kept running her hand through the blonde hair for several minutes. She then leaned up and pressed a small kiss to Amanda's forehead. She knew that the conversation they were going to have shortly was not going to be easy and she wanted to make sure the younger woman felt like she still loved and cared about her.


	32. Chapter 32

Enjoy! I thought a little Fin/Liv chat would be good.

Chapter 31

While Amanda was resting Olivia was thinking about how she was going to address the gambling. She really didn't know much about the addiction of gambling but was very familiar with the addiction to alcohol. Her mom had made that pretty much impossible for her not to know about. She decided to get on the internet and do some research about gambling addictions and possibly find a meeting or something that Amanda could go to. As she was printing off some information from a gamblers anonymous website there was a knock on the door.

"Hey Fin, Thanks for bringing her things over," Liv said as she let the other detective into the apartment.

"No problem, Liv. How is she?" he questioned dropping the bag of clothes on the floor.

"She's sleeping right now. I'm hoping she will sleep for a while. She needs the rest," the brunette stated, ushering Fin over to the sofa to sit down.

"Fin, I'm not really sure how I'm going to address the gambling," she started once they had been sitting in silence for a couple minutes. "I've been reading some things about it and looked into where they offer meetings and such, but how do I bring this up without upsetting her?" she asked sounding stressed.

"Liv, I think the best person to talk to her about this might actually be the Captian," he stated, having already thought about the idea. The Captain had told him about his struggle with alcohol and he thought the older man would be the best one to really understand what Amanda was going through.

"Yea he probably would be the best to really understand the addiction, but he is also her superior officer," Liv started. "I don't know if she would be comfortable with that. I know she is going to have to talk to him about everything," she continued. "God, Fin she has been through hell her whole life," Liv said swiping a hand down her face. "And I'm the main reason that she had to go through that hell," the brunette said softly as a tear fell down her face.

"Olivia, listen to me," Fin started and waited for the other detective to look at him. "You were sixteen when you had Amanda, you didn't have support from what I understand, and you thought she was going to be adopted. You tried to give her a better life," he continued. "I know it will take Amanda time but she will forgive you," Fin assured her. "You guys already have a bond; I saw that in the hospital. Keep showing her that you care about her," Fin offered sincerely.

"Wow, that was really deep Fin. Thank you," the brunette gave him a smile as she wiped some more tears from her face. Fin squeezed her hand.

"Look I better get back to the squad. There is a ton of stuff to do and without two of our best detectives it's going to take a while," Fin said as he moved from his place on the couch. "Let Amanda know that I'm here if she needs to talk or just wants some company," he stated giving Liv a small hug. "Take care of our girl, Liv, she needs you," he continued as he walked to the door.

After seeing Fin out Liv decided to make some pasta for herself and for Amanda when she woke up. She was in the middle of draining the pasta when she heard the toilet flush in the bathroom signaling that the younger woman was awake. A few minutes later Amanda came into the kitchen looking like a little girl who just woke up from a nap. Her hair was sticking up in weird angles and the sweatshirt she was wearing was way to big on her. Liv gave her a smile and walked over to her.

"Hey, how are you feeling?" she asked as she made her way over.

"I'm ok, my head is still hurting me pretty bad, though," she said quietly.

"Let's get some food in you and then I will give you another pain pill okay?" Liv asked.

"Ok, but I'm really not that hungry," Amanda stated, getting nauseous just thinking about food.

"Just a couple bites. I don't want you to become malnourished," the older woman said starting to dish out the pasta onto plates.

Amanda forced herself to eat a couple forkfuls of pasta and then put the plate in the sink. She then went and sat on the couch and waited for Olivia to finish. Once Liv had finished she cleaned up and then joined the blonde on the sofa. After they had been sitting in silence for several minutes the brunette decided that now would be as good of time as any to discuss the gambling. She braced herself for the conversation and hoped she was doing the right thing.

Please review! :)


	33. Chapter 33

**Hope you are still liking this story!**

Chapter 32

"Amanda, are you ready to talk about the gambling?" Olivia asked carefully. She was very nervous about how this conversation was going to go. The blonde looked like she wanted to bolt at any moment, but Liv knew this was important.

"I'm so sorry that this happened," Amanda stated quietly. She had no idea what the older woman was going to say and it really scared her. She was so scared that Liv was just going to get tired of her and just walk out. Everyone else did.

"Sweetheart, you don't need to keep saying sorry," the brunette replied. "I know you and I still have a lot to work out with our relationship, but I just need to clear up one thing right now," Liv continued. "I know you have had so many disappointments in your life, starting with me," the older woman stated seriously. "I don't expect you to forgive me, but please let me show you just how much I care about you," Liv continued compassionately.

"I know you have a fear of abandonment, but I promise you I'm not going to leave you. Yes, we may argue and we might get mad at one another, but honey I will not leave you again," Liv stated trying to gage Amanda's reaction.

"Why.. why aren't you mad at me? I .. I messed up," the blonde replied softly, still not able to look the older woman in the eyes.

"Honey, you made some mistakes, yes, but I'm really not mad. I'm more worried about you than anything," Liv stated gently taking the younger woman's hand. "I know the main reason you were put into this position is because of the stress that came from finding out about us," she continued, squeezing the hand she held.

"Can you tell me why you started gambling? I really want to help in any way that I can," she stated finally connecting with blue eyes that were brimming with tears.

Amanda felt a hand softly grab hers. She was listening intently to everything Olivia was saying and felt like she could almost believe her. The younger woman gradually lifted her head and met brown eyes that were filled with love and compassion. Liv gave her hand another squeeze making a few tears fall down her face.

"I .. I had a really rough day at work and my dad, before he left told me about how betting on things always made him feel better," Amanda started nervously. "I just thought it would help take my mind off of things," she continued with a shaky voice. She really didn't want to talk about 'why' she started. That was a conversation she never wanted to have.

"When I got up here to New York, with everything that we deal with, I needed something to keep my mind busy," the blonde stated. "When I found out about us it was like a trigger went off inside me and I just got deeper and deeper and couldn't stop," Amanda said as she wiped away the tears that were falling. "I knew I needed help, but I was so scared to tell anyone," the younger woman stated.

"You don't have to be scared to ask me for help, honey," Liv gave Amanda's hand another squeeze. "I know I wasn't there for you when you were younger, but please let me be there now," the older woman stated softly. The blonde gave her a soft nod as she wiped more tears from her face.

"Olivia, I'm going to have to talk to the Captain right?" Amanda asked after a couple minutes.

"Yea, you are. Would you be comfortable if he came over here to talk or would you rather do it at the precinct?" Liv asked.

"I would rather do it here. I want to talk to him before I go back to work," the blonde stated quietly. She really just wanted to forget this whole stupid thing happened but knew that was impossible.

"Why don't I call the Cap and have him come over tomorrow," Liv stated. She noticed Amanda's eyes were starting to get droopy from the pain medication. That coupled with the long talk they just had the younger woman was exhausted.

"Amanda, why don't you go lie down and sleep some more, it looks like you're about to fall asleep sitting here," the brunette said as she rubbed the younger woman's shoulder.

"Do you .. um could you .. never mind it's stupid," Amanda said nervously. She had never asked anyone for comfort but right now she really needed it.

"What is it, honey?" Liv said rubbing her arm gently.

"Can I .. can I have a hug? I know it's stupid, just forget it," the blonde said fumbling over her words. Before she could even get out the end of her sentence she felt strong arms wrap around her and pull her gently into a soft embrace. She tensed but then relaxed.

Olivia smiled as she held her daughter. She wished that the attack would not have happened but at the same time she couldn't help but be thankful that the events were leading to a better relationship with Amanda.

"When I was little this is all I ever wanted," the blonde whispered into Olivia's shoulder. The brunette held the younger woman tighter and felt a tear slip down her cheek.

**Thanks for reading! **


	34. Chapter 34

**Sorry for the delay! I got a new job as a preschool teacher and as you can imagine that has kept me VERY busy. I hope you enjoy this chapter. More to come soon! **

Chapter 33

The next day Captain Cragen was invited to come over to Olivia's apartment. He was pretty sure he already knew what this was about but wanted to give Amanda time to explain and tell him what he had already come to know. He couldn't help but feel for the young detective because of everything that had happened to her over the past couple months. She was young enough to be his granddaughter if he really thought about it. He wasn't really sure if she would be willing to let him help her but he thought he would share his story and hopefully that would allow her to accept the help.

**SVU**

"Olivia, what do you think the Captain is going to do once I tell him?" Amanda asked quietly as she prepared for Cragen's visit. She was currently sitting on Liv's couch trying to calm her nerves.

"Honey, I'm really not sure," Olivia stated honestly. She was also worried about her what the Captain would possibly have to do to her daughter. Gambling wasn't exactly something that NYPD detectives should be doing in their spare time, especially if they had found out she was a cop. That could have made for an even more dangerous situation for her daughter, if Amanda had kept everything to herself.

"I have known the Cap for over ten years now, and I have come to know that he is a very understanding man," Liv started. "He may be tough on you but that is just because he has very high standards but that doesn't mean he is going to be any less understanding to your situation," she continued coming to sit beside Amanda. She gently took her daughter's hand in hers when she saw that the younger woman was struggling with her emotions. She couldn't imagine how hard this must be for her and she wanted to make sure the blonde understood that she was not going to abandon her, no matter what the Captain did or said.

"Sweetie, I want you to take a couple deep breaths," Liv instructed gently. "There you go. Honey just remember no matter what happens I will be by your side; I'm not going anywhere, ok?" Amanda gave her a brief nod and a small smile, which Olivia returned grateful that her daughter seemed to believe her. She continued stroking her thumb over the hand she still held as Amanda became lost in her thoughts once more. She was brought out of them by a knock at the door and braced herself for a very difficult conversation with the Captain.

**Please review!**


	35. Chapter 35

**Hope you enjoy! I really like the episode Home Invasions, and wanted to use a little bit of the dialogue. Hope you don't mind.**

Chapter 34

Amanda looked up at Olivia when she heard the knock at the door. The older woman gave her hand a squeeze and got up to answer the door. Amanda pushed down the feeling of nausea from her stomach and braced herself for what she thought would be the end of her career as a detective.

Olivia opened the door to the Captain, greeting him and showing him to the sofa where Amanda was wringing her hands in her lap looking very uncomfortable.

"Amanda, how are you feeling?" the Captain asked as he sat down on the couch next to her.

"I've been better, sir," Amanda choked out trying not to sound so emotional. Cap nodded and she knew it was now or never to tell him everything.

"Cap, I need to tell you something. It involved the case we just had," Amanda began. Again, Cragen just nodded his head.

"You're bookie, Murphy, ratted you out. He thought having some dirt on a detective would help him out. I have already spoken to IAB, because I don't want him having any leverage here," he stated. "They are going to interview you. Anything else I need to know before they do? Murphy ever ask you to run a plate or look into somebody?" Cragen added very seriously.

Amanda forced herself to respond even though her head was swimming and the feeling of nausea had returned.

"I gambled and I lost, that's it, I swear," she managed to get out.

"Yea, well then you're lucky, because before long he would have and if you were desperate enough" he trailed off. "You understand I should take your gun and shield, right now? he said as Amanda nodded and began tearing up. "But, I'm going to go to bat for you with IAB, if this really is the extent of it," he explained.

"Captain, it is, I swear" Amanda said as more tears came."You're a good detective Amanda, I don't want to end your career," the older man continued.

"I don't want that either, sir," she managed to get out through her shock. She really couldn't believe that she wasn't loosing her job.

"I'm going to have to give you a command discipline and take away some vacation days but you mess up again and you're gone. Amanda nodded seriously, even though she had no clue how she was going to stop her addiction. That was the only way she could cope with everything.

The Captain got an understanding look on his face.

"Look, I know how hard the past couple months have been for you," he started. "It couldn't be easy to find out that someone you are now working with is your birth mother," he continued as Amanda nodded and wiped more tears from her face. "I know Liv, Amanda, and she would and could never intentionally hurt anyone. You don't need to worry about her hurting you again. I know that has probably been rattling in your head since you found out," he said trying to gain eye contact from the now down turned head in front of him. He realized that this would be a good time to share his story with the younger woman.

"I get it you know, I understand how this job and life can weigh on you, and you need to escape," Cragen said, which got Amanda's attention and she looked up at him.

"I used to drink, and I mean, drink. Soon as I get off duty I was at the bar pounding, then I started having a few on the job, just to get through. I thought nobody noticed. My Captain could've canned my ass, should've, but he got me help instead," he said as the blonde detective took in the words he was saying, looking shocked. "I want you to rest for a couple more days but before you come back to work I'm going to take you to a meeting," he said trying to gage the young detectives reaction. Amanda simply nodded still in shock about what her Captain had just shared with her.

The Captain looked at her and knew she needed some space and time to process everything that he had just said. He looked up to see Olivia come back into the room looking at her daughter with concern.

"I'm going to see myself out," he said meeting Liv's eyes. She gave him a small smile and nod and she moved to show him to the door.

When Liv returned to the couch she found Amanda staring into space with tears coming down her face. She sat down beside the blonde and gently put her arms around Amanda holding her close. The younger woman melted into her embrace and found comfort on the older woman's shoulder, still crying hard. Liv rubbed her hands up and down the blonde's back.

"Shhh, you're okay, honey. I'm not going anywhere," she reassured. "I'm proud of you, Amanda," she whispered as she continued to hold her daughter.

**Please review!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Hope you enjoy! I'm thinking about changing up one of the major plot lines in the series so it will occur earlier in my story. I hope that's okay with everyone. I just want certain characters to be around to use. Thanks for your continued reading! **

Chapter 35

It had been one month since the gambling incident with Murphy. Amanda had recovered from the incident but was still having nightmares about the ordeal. She was currently sitting in Olivia's living room with a cup of tea trying to calm herself after a the latest one. She had tried to hide the nightmares from the older woman but Liv being the great detective she was, figured it out within the first few days. The blonde didn't want to burden the older woman stating when Olivia had questioned her about them that it was her fault she was having them anyway. Amanda let her mind wonder to the conversation that she and the brunette had after a pretty bad one that the younger woman had tried to hide.

_"__Amanda, you okay?" Liv asked coming into the living room wrapping her robe around her. "Hey, why are crying?" she asked now standing in front of the younger woman on the couch. _

_"__Nothin', I'm fine, just couldn't sleep," Amanda said quietly, trying to subtly get rid of the tears. She didn't look at the older woman just kept staring at her lap. _

_"__Honey, why didn't you say something about the nightmares?" Liv questioned already knowing the reason Amanda was up and was upset. The walls in her apartment were not the best with keeping down sounds. _

_"__I'm not, I just can't sleep," she said still not making eye contact with the woman that was now sitting on the sofa in front of her. She jumped when a hand made contact with her shoulder. She looked up and relaxed when she realized that it was only Liv. The older woman gently rubbed her arm and gave her a comforting look. _

_"__You don't have to hide anything from me," Olivia started gently. "I know I still have a lot to prove to you but you don't need to keep this from me," she continued as she gently wiped away a stray tear that made its way down Amanda's cheek. There was a moment of silence before the blonde began to speak._

_"__I can't .. I can't sleep without seeing his face," she began with a shaky voice. Olivia grasped onto her hand and squeezed. Amanda grasped the hand back gratefully. "He keeps taunting me saying 'You deserved this', and he's right I did," she whispered quietly, more tears spilling from her eyes. "I should have stopped, done something, told someone, it's my fault, it's my fault" _

_Amanda sobbed hard pulling away from Olivia in the process. _

_Olivia was suddenly aware just how much Amanda blamed herself for what had happened and she knew how she handled this would impact their relationship; whether good or bad was up to her. _

_"__Oh, honey, come here," Olivia said scooting closer to her daughter and putting an arm around her. The young woman turned into the embrace just needing the comfort the older woman would provide. "Shhh, I've got you, sweetie. You're okay" Olivia whispered as she held her daughter tightly. She rocked them back and forth for a while trying to calm the younger woman. After a good ten minutes of crying hard against the brunette Amanda started to calm down. Olivia kept holding her trying to think of exactly what to say. _

_"__Sweetie, I know that you think is your fault because of the gambling, but honey Murphy made the choice to do this to you. The only person at fault is him and the man who helped him," Liv said gently. She pressed a small kiss to the blonde forehead. "I know this is very hard, honey, but you need to believe me when I say this wasn't your fault," she said as Amanda sat up and looked at her. She gently wiped away the tears that were still falling down the younger woman's face. "I'll tell you that as often as you need, ok?" she asked quietly. "You going to be okay to go back to sleep?" Olivia asked as Amanda nodded and let out a yawn._

_Amanda wasn't sure what she was thinking but she knew she could trust Olivia and that she would be safe with the older woman so she asked the question. "Could you um … could you stay with me?" Amanda asked in a whisper her cheeks burning with embarrassment._

_Liv gave her a soft smile "Of course sweetie, let's get you back in bed," she said as she helped Amanda back to her bedroom. _

_Once Amanda was under the covers in the bed, Olivia gently began stroking her hair making the younger fall asleep almost instantly._

"Sweetie, you ok?" Amanda was brought out of her flashback by the sound of Liv's voice. "Did you have another nightmare," Liv asked coming in to the living room and sitting down beside her.

"Yea, same old, same old," the blonde answered as she set the cup of tea down on the end table. "Sorry I woke you," she continued softly. Even though she had gotten much more comfortable around Olivia over the past month she still felt like she needed to apologize.

The brunette just nodded knowing that this was something that the blonde was going to do regardless of how many times she had told her it was okay.

"How did your meeting go yesterday," Liv asked carefully. She knew Amanda was still very guarded about her gambling and she didn't want to push her.

"It went ok, I mainly just listened again, but it was good to know I'm not the only one struggling with this," she said quietly.

Since her meeting with the Captain, Amanda had been going to meetings almost daily. Cragen had driven her to the first couple meetings, insisting that she shouldn't go on her own while she was on pain killers. It was weird to have her Captain know about this stuff but it was also comforting that she didn't have to go at it alone anymore. He actually understood where she was coming from.

"If you want to talk about anything I'm here, anytime," Liv said gently rubbing the younger woman's arm.

"Thanks, and thanks for letting me stay with you tonight," Amanda said, grateful that she didn't have to be alone. She had been staying with Liv off and on ever since the incident.

Liv felt Amanda move closer to her and she wrapped her arm around her bringing her closer. The younger woman laid her head down on the brunette's shoulder and let her eyes close feeling very safe. Olivia pressed a gentle kiss on the blonde head, smiling that her daughter was seeking comfort from her more and more. She was so glad that Amanda had come into her life. The younger woman was something that Olivia had no idea she ever needed but now that she was in her life she couldn't imagine life without her. Liv smiled looking down at Amanda now sleeping peacefully on her shoulder. She ran a hand through blonde hair feeling so much love for the younger woman. She hoped that the bond that they were forming would continue and become even stronger.


	37. Chapter 37

Hope you guys enjoy this chapter. Hope to update again soon.

Chapter 36

Three months had passed since the whole gambling fiasco and Amanda was doing remarkably well. She continued to go to meetings whenever she was feeling stressed and actually found them to be very helpful. She was also incredibly grateful for the older woman who was now such a big part of her life. Olivia had gone above and beyond being there for her and she was finally starting to believe that the brunette was going to stay around for the long haul. Of course they had had some ups and downs over the last few months but Olivia had proven herself to be understanding, patient, and caring, everything that Amanda had always wished for in a mom.

Amanda had also grown very close to Fin and the Captain. The Captain still challenged her thinking and would let her know if she was out of line on anything but was very understanding with her and constantly asked how things were going. Fin had become her go to guy when she was having trouble and didn't want to talk to Liv about things. He treated her like a little sister but was respectful of her privacy and the relationship she was forming with Liv. He often joked with both women about how even though they looked nothing alike he could tell they were related, stating they were both stubborn and determined. Both women knew he was right and didn't take any offense to it. Amanda actually loved being compared to the older woman who she had really come to admire not only has a detective but as a strong woman.

**SVU**

"Fin, you got a copy?" Amanda asked into the mic. They had just entered a house that supposedly had a meth lab in it with children hanging around. The latest rape victim had led them to this property stating that her boyfriend lived their with his family. She mentioned being there during the rape and that their was lots of smells that reminded her of drugs.

"Yea, Manda, it looks like the back is clean" Fin relayed into the radio.

"Okay, well you should come into the kitchen, there is some shady stuff going on" she said as she looked around at the pots boiling and the many different bags of drugs. She also saw children's toys laying throughout the living room. Just what were these children being exposed to?

"Manda? Wow this is ridiculous" Fin stated coming into the kitchen. "Did you see any kids or anyone" he asked after looking around.

"No, just saw the toys. What are these kids seeing here, Fin?" she asked putting her weapon back into her holster. She was thinking back to one of her many foster homes and seeing something similar before being removed from the agency. She was brought out of her thoughts by a pot whistling. She looked up to see a guy holding a gun at Fin and her partner looking the other way at some of the toys on the floor. Before she could even think she yelled Fin's name and dove in front of him just as a shot rang out.

TBC . . .

Please Review!


	38. Chapter 38

**Sorry for the delay! My job with my preschoolers has been super busy! Thanks for all of your continued reading and reviews of this story!**

Chapter 37

Olivia was currently typing on the computer, trying to find leads for one of their latest cases. She was having a hard time concentrating because of the nagging feeling she had in her stomach. She wasn't really sure what it was about so she took a swig of her coffee and made herself focus on the screen in front of her.

**SVU**

It was a call that Captain Cragen was not expecting. One of their own had been shot and when he received the information on who it was he had to sit in his chair to keep from fainting from the news. He would never admit it to anyone but he saw the young detective has his granddaughter. He ended the call and took several deep breaths. He knew he was going to have to be the one to break the news to the woman who he saw as a daughter. He couldn't believe this was happening to his "family"; they had already been through so much. He braced himself and got out of his chair to tell the news he just received.

"Olivia," he said quietly as he came up to her desk. He really didn't want to be the one to tell her.

The brunette detective looked up to the sound of her name. The facial expression the Captain wore was one filled with emotion and she knew immediately that something was wrong.

"What happened? Is it, Amanda?" she questioned, although she already could tell by his expression that something had happened to her baby.

"Fin called me from the hospital, he was shaken up but he's okay," Captain started but was interrupted by Olivia.

"Cap, just tell me about Amanda, what happened to my daughter," she said trying not to make a scene but was not thinking clearly at all. Her baby was hurt, again, and there was nothing she could do about it.

"Fin didn't go into much detail, just that Amanda had jumped in front of him when he had his back turned and someone fired at them," he stated. "Fin said he managed to get his gun out before the guy could shoot at him, and the shooter is now in police custody. "He said that most of the bullets were caught by the vest but she was in surgery now," he continued, trying to calm the younger woman down.

"I've got to get to the hospital," Liv stated before rushing out of the squad room, Nick on her heels, having overheard the conversation.

Liv didn't protest Nick driving them to the hospital, knowing full well they would probably end up in an accident if she drove.

"She's going to be ok, Liv" Nick stated, not really sure what else to say. "She's a tough woman, just like you," he tried to reassure. Liv just gave a small nod and asked him to drive faster.

When they arrived at the hospital, Liv was close to tears, just thinking about the different outcomes that could be facing her daughter. She was not ready to lose her daughter. Amanda was just starting to become comfortable around her. She got out of the car and raced inside to find any information she could on her daughter.

She made it to the OR's waiting room and found Fin sitting, looking at blood that was now drying on his hands. "Fin, how is she? Do you know anything?" she asked as soon as she caught his eye. There was something in Fin's eyes that she had never seen before; guilt. He looked like he was much older than he was and seemed to be moving in slow motion.

"I'm sorry, Olivia, they haven't told me anything other than one of the bullets nicked her arm and the other went into her shoulder," he said trying to find strength he really didn't have. "They took her into surgery before I even got here with the backup squad," he stated once again sitting down and looking at the blood that covered his hands. Olivia noticed this and was about to ask him how and why Amanda was shot. She was interrupted by a doctor coming out and asking for the family of Amanda Rollins.

TBC...

Thanks for reading, please review!


	39. Chapter 39

**Thanks to everyone for your reviews! I really appreciate them! **

Chapter 38

When the doctor walked out asking for the family of Amanda Rollins, Olivia went over to him and braced herself for the worst. She was not ready to lose her daughter. Fin and Nick were beside her also wanting to hear the news about the blonde.

"As I told her partner, here, Detective Rollins was hit by a bullet in the upper right arm. We were able to stitch that up and she shouldn't have any affects from that," he stated pointing to a spot on his arm. "The other shot went through the upper left shoulder and out through her back. It hit muscle but shouldn't do any permanent damage," he continued explaining. "Detective Rollins is a very lucky woman, any further to the right and it would have hit a major artery," he stated seriously.

Olivia let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. Her daughter was going to be okay. Her daughter was really going to be okay.

"Thank you, doctor. Can we see her, please?" the brunette asked, just wanting to see her daughter and seeing for herself that she is ok.

"Yes, but she is currently asleep and we need to let her rest," he stated as he led them down the hall. "She is on pain medicine through an IV and will probably be in and out for the next couple hours," he continued as they came to Amanda's door.

Olivia was the first one in the room but stopped abruptly at the sight of her daughter. She hoped she would never have to see her little girl in a hospital room ever again. But yet there was Amanda, hooked up once again to several machines and an IV drip. She had thick padding on her left shoulder and was propped up with several pillows. It took everything in Olivia's power not to break down crying just seeing that her daughter was okay. She made her way to the bed and gently stroked the blonde's hair and gave her a small kiss to the cheek. She was so relieved that her baby was going to be okay. She took Amanda's hand in her own and whispered "I love you, I'm not ready to loose you again."

**Thanks for reading! More to come soon!**


	40. Chapter 40

**Hope you enjoy! Thanks for all the reviews. Glad you guys are still enjoying this. I think I'm going to be rearranging some of the things that have happened in the show to my own timeline. I want a couple of things to happen earlier than they did in the show. I hope everyone is okay with that. **

Chapter 38

When the doctor walked out asking for the family of Amanda Rollins, Olivia went over to him and braced herself for the worst. She was not ready to lose her daughter. Fin and Nick were beside her also wanting to hear the news about the blonde.

"As I told her partner, here, Detective Rollins was hit by a bullet in the upper right arm. We were able to stitch that up and she shouldn't have any affects from that," he stated pointing to a spot on his arm. "The other shot went through the upper left shoulder and out through her back. It hit muscle but shouldn't do any permanent damage," he continued explaining. "Detective Rollins is a very lucky woman, any further to the right and it would have hit a major artery," he stated seriously.

Olivia let out a breath she hadn't realized she was holding. Her daughter was going to be okay. Her daughter was really going to be okay.

"Thank you, doctor. Can we see her, please?" the brunette asked, just wanting to see her daughter and see for herself that she was ok.

"Yes, but she is currently asleep and we need to let her rest," he stated as he led them down the hall. "She is on pain medicine through an IV and will probably be in and out for the next couple hours," he continued as they came to Amanda's door.

Olivia was the first one in the room but stopped abruptly at the sight of her daughter. She hoped she would never have to see her little girl in a hospital room ever again. But yet there was Amanda, hooked up once again to several machines and an IV drip. She had thick padding on her left shoulder and was propped up with several pillows. It took everything in Olivia's power not to break down crying just seeing that her daughter was okay. She made her way to the bed and gently stroked the blonde's hair and gave her a small kiss to the cheek. She was so relieved that her baby was going to be okay. She took Amanda's hand in her own and whispered "I love you, I'm not ready to loose you again."

**SVU**

A few hours later Olivia was sitting in a chair beside her daughter's bed. Fin had been ordered by the Captain to go home and rest for a while and Nick and Munch were working at the the crime scene, collecting evidence against the person who shot Amanda. Liv was still trying to piece together everything that had happened and was eager to hear the full story from the blonde. She was caught up in her thoughts when she heard a moan come from the bed.

"Amanda, honey? You awake?" Liv asked as she moved to sit on the edge of the bed. She gently moved the blonde's bangs away from her face as the younger woman slowly opened her eyes.

"mmm, Liv?" the blonde mumbled as she tried to take in her surroundings.

"Hey sweetie, it's me," the older woman stated now holding her hand. "I'm so glad you're okay," she whispered once again running her hand over blonde bangs.

Amanda took a few moments to register where she was and suddenly remembered a gun and Fin.

"Where is Fin? Is he okay?" Amanda began to panic. The last thing she remembered was someone shooting her and Fin shooting back before everything went black.

"Shhh, honey, Fin is fine," Liv told her as she regained her hold on the now panicking woman's hand. "Easy, Manda, take a deep breath," she instructed carefully as the blonde's breathing picked up. "There you go," she said keeping her voice low. Once Amanda's breathing slowed down Olivia began to explain what she knew about her daughter's condition.

"Honey, you were shot in the arm and the shoulder, they say it will take some rehab but you should be fine in a few weeks," she told the blonde quietly. "Do you remember what happened?" she asked carefully not sure how the younger woman would react. She didn't want to cause her anymore stress.

"Yea, I remember everything up until I blacked out after getting shot," she replied quietly. She took another deep breath and began to tell the story.

**Please review! **


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